Yes. It is vitally important that the boundaries of a given culture/ethnicity etc aren't completely ignored or eroded, but they cannot be defined or defended by outsiders/the dominant group. I know lots of people who've been told they're not "really" chinese/australian/gay/bi/straight etc.

Which is where the segregation/gentrification analogy comes in: the root cause of the problem is deeper than the solutions being proposed, so all the "fixes" are actually only temporary harm-reduction measures. There's an unaddressed difference in power, and as long as that power-difference persists, the temporary "fix" for an immediate harm is going to tend to lay the path for a different kind of harm.

Yes, the Kyriarchy is very sneaky, and pretty much every action you take in a prejudiced society ends up reinforcing one aspect of it or another. The trick is to try to have a net anti-prejudice effect I guess.