Thanks, Sophie, for following up (and sorry I didn't follow-up sooner).
First, I'm not getting on the guys' cases for watching "bi" women who have invited them to watch. I'm getting on guys' cases for thinking that having once been invited to watch, that all bi women's sexuality is for/about men. I don't see that as too much to ask of men, because that's a pretty simple extension of the idea that women's sexualities, in general, aren't for/about men, which is something guys are supposed to figure out anyway. Additionally, I think I would be doing men a disservice to believe that they're not capable of making that connection.
Second, I am NOT in the business of policing who's "really" bi. There's a lot of harm down that road, and I don't think it's a good idea to go there.
Third, I consider most kinds of sexual role-play to be acceptable, and "pretending we're bi" seems like a kind of role-playing. Again, I really REALLY don't want to be in the business of policing who gets to role-play which games.
So, women goofing around in a bar, kissing each other, sexually performing for men? I do know bi women who do that, and thus see a lot of hazard in coming down on said women for being imposters. And I always see hazard in coming down on women for being sluts or "too" sexually open. You really can't determine, for reals and for sure, if the women are doing anything wrong in that scenario.
However, the guys who thereafter assume that all bi women exist for the sake of turning men on? They are definitely doing something wrong, and it's pretty much the same wrong as assuming that straight women's sexualities exist for men. Which they're already supposed to know better about.
no subject
First, I'm not getting on the guys' cases for watching "bi" women who have invited them to watch. I'm getting on guys' cases for thinking that having once been invited to watch, that all bi women's sexuality is for/about men. I don't see that as too much to ask of men, because that's a pretty simple extension of the idea that women's sexualities, in general, aren't for/about men, which is something guys are supposed to figure out anyway. Additionally, I think I would be doing men a disservice to believe that they're not capable of making that connection.
Second, I am NOT in the business of policing who's "really" bi. There's a lot of harm down that road, and I don't think it's a good idea to go there.
Third, I consider most kinds of sexual role-play to be acceptable, and "pretending we're bi" seems like a kind of role-playing. Again, I really REALLY don't want to be in the business of policing who gets to role-play which games.
So, women goofing around in a bar, kissing each other, sexually performing for men? I do know bi women who do that, and thus see a lot of hazard in coming down on said women for being imposters. And I always see hazard in coming down on women for being sluts or "too" sexually open. You really can't determine, for reals and for sure, if the women are doing anything wrong in that scenario.
However, the guys who thereafter assume that all bi women exist for the sake of turning men on? They are definitely doing something wrong, and it's pretty much the same wrong as assuming that straight women's sexualities exist for men. Which they're already supposed to know better about.