I am too brain-dead right this minute to say more than,
"I can totally relate to the conflict-avoidance thing."
and like you, I value honesty, truth, non-hypocrisy etc.
I'm finding in 2008 and 2009 that I've been making friends with three LOUD women who speak their mind without second-guessing their audience - women who can be tactful / compassionate / kind / thoughtful, but who are also honest, strong and forthright and brave[1].
(One of these women I've known since 2003 through a mutual friend, but until 2008 I found her far too loud and in-your-face and confrontational to want to spend time with.)
and I look at these women and see role models, and I think "*I* would like to be more like that."
I've discovered the words 'preference' and 'prefer' is very useful when trying to reach an agreement or compromise.
"I would prefer that we do Z-thing because... [reason]"
It lowers the stakes for everyone involved: if person A prefers Z-thing and person B prefers H-thing, there's room for negotiation, disagreement without anger, compromise, solutions that meet everyone's needs.
(As opposed to saying "I want to do Z-thing" "We *must* do Z-thing" "We *should* do Z-thing".)
[1] Which is in no way intended to imply that my other friends aren't. Did I mention that I was brain-dead at the moment? ^_^
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I am too brain-dead right this minute to say more than,
"I can totally relate to the conflict-avoidance thing."
and like you, I value honesty, truth, non-hypocrisy etc.
I'm finding in 2008 and 2009 that I've been making friends with three LOUD women who speak their mind without second-guessing their audience - women who can be tactful / compassionate / kind / thoughtful, but who are also honest, strong and forthright and brave[1].
(One of these women I've known since 2003 through a mutual friend, but until 2008 I found her far too loud and in-your-face and confrontational to want to spend time with.)
and I look at these women and see role models, and I think "*I* would like to be more like that."
I've discovered the words 'preference' and 'prefer' is very useful when trying to reach an agreement or compromise.
"I would prefer that we do Z-thing because... [reason]"
It lowers the stakes for everyone involved: if person A prefers Z-thing and person B prefers H-thing, there's room for negotiation, disagreement without anger, compromise, solutions that meet everyone's needs.
(As opposed to saying "I want to do Z-thing" "We *must* do Z-thing" "We *should* do Z-thing".)
[1] Which is in no way intended to imply that my other friends aren't. Did I mention that I was brain-dead at the moment? ^_^