I can talk about anything if I know I can trust person 2. to treat me like my feelings are important to them and not to tell me I'm wrong / crazy / not allowed to feel that way / not entitled to feel that way / not gay enough / not feminist enough / not bright enough / too loud / too rude / check bingo card here.
I can listen to anyone if I know they are not just wasting my time/energy by stirring up hurt without being interested in eventual resolution
I like all of this. I'm not sure it's 100% the way I think of things but the basic gist is pretty spot on. Though unfortunately a lot of people (myself included) are able to follow these rules a lot of the time but have certain blind spots. Also I think sometimes it's too much for person 2 to take, not through any flaw on their part but there are some admissions you don't want to hear. (I'm not sure I can explain what I mean by that though, it's something I'm getting my head around)
The exact opposite of this model is one I think of as the military model - it's not very useful 1. Admit nothing 2. Deny everything 3. Make counter-accusations
Oh boy do I hate that model. There have been many times when I have been happier to talking to people on the other "side" of an argument who have an attitude more like your rules of engagement than I do with those on my "side" who use the military model.
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I can listen to anyone if I know they are not just wasting my time/energy by stirring up hurt without being interested in eventual resolution
I like all of this. I'm not sure it's 100% the way I think of things but the basic gist is pretty spot on. Though unfortunately a lot of people (myself included) are able to follow these rules a lot of the time but have certain blind spots. Also I think sometimes it's too much for person 2 to take, not through any flaw on their part but there are some admissions you don't want to hear. (I'm not sure I can explain what I mean by that though, it's something I'm getting my head around)
The exact opposite of this model is one I think of as the military model - it's not very useful
1. Admit nothing
2. Deny everything
3. Make counter-accusations
Oh boy do I hate that model. There have been many times when I have been happier to talking to people on the other "side" of an argument who have an attitude more like your rules of engagement than I do with those on my "side" who use the military model.