Oh I see. I misunderstood. I have often see people (especially women) say that they want to stop being nice, which I find deeply alarming, firstly because being nice is something I like in other people, secondly because there is usually an associated implication that they see 'nice' as somehow 'feminine' and that gives the further implication they see the feminine aspect as weak, and thirdly because people who want to learn how to fight need to learn how to deal with all the things associated with fights, not just how to put their fists up - the ex-nice people often don't realise this and can be a vicious menace to society as a result.
Anyway, it sounds as if that isn't you, so that is a relief :)
I definitely agree that there are some people who think an argument has more value depending on the strength of the emotional content. My own observation is that they may not be as uninfluenced by their emotions as they think they are, and that they might have done better to keep a cool head had they been able. But if you want 'fire' then tapping into anger or a similar strong emotion is a very good way to do it. I am reminded of the conversation between Buffy and Kendra on just this topic in season 2, and I would say they both had a point - emotions make you sloppy, but they can also make you determined.
I also think this is a particular problem for women. Because if you are going to deal with conflicts then while managing your emotions is useful, it is far more useful to not have the emotions in the first place. This, I believe, is the evolutionary reason why males don't experience as much emotion, especially in conflict situations. Men have evolved to fight in a ritualised fashion that limits their own vulnerability while keeping the battle well away from their women and children - hence all the rules of combat, aggressive posturing that can force the opposition to back down without actually engaging etc., and respect but not empathy for their opponent. Women, by contrast, if they have to fight at all, will be a last line of defence, and they are then battling for their own and their offspring's survival. As such they need every ounce of aggression and lack of sympathy or respect that they can muster to push the battle to the crunch point. And indeed studies have shown that women are far more aggressive in battle situations - for example they are less likely to take prisoners or stop and help wounded comrades. There are of course interesting exceptions to these sweeping statements involving people who cross the gender boundaries, and anybody who is highly trained will respond according to their training, but as a general rule I believe it holds.
All of which becomes a problem when the 'battle' isn't a real fight at all but just an internet argument without the social restraints of community to rein us all in. :( The males are going around posturing and not empathising, while the women are leaping for the jugular whenever they feel attacked. The wonder is not that kerfuffles escalate, but that any of us have a shred of emotional sanity left to keep going ;)
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Anyway, it sounds as if that isn't you, so that is a relief :)
I definitely agree that there are some people who think an argument has more value depending on the strength of the emotional content. My own observation is that they may not be as uninfluenced by their emotions as they think they are, and that they might have done better to keep a cool head had they been able. But if you want 'fire' then tapping into anger or a similar strong emotion is a very good way to do it. I am reminded of the conversation between Buffy and Kendra on just this topic in season 2, and I would say they both had a point - emotions make you sloppy, but they can also make you determined.
I also think this is a particular problem for women. Because if you are going to deal with conflicts then while managing your emotions is useful, it is far more useful to not have the emotions in the first place. This, I believe, is the evolutionary reason why males don't experience as much emotion, especially in conflict situations. Men have evolved to fight in a ritualised fashion that limits their own vulnerability while keeping the battle well away from their women and children - hence all the rules of combat, aggressive posturing that can force the opposition to back down without actually engaging etc., and respect but not empathy for their opponent. Women, by contrast, if they have to fight at all, will be a last line of defence, and they are then battling for their own and their offspring's survival. As such they need every ounce of aggression and lack of sympathy or respect that they can muster to push the battle to the crunch point. And indeed studies have shown that women are far more aggressive in battle situations - for example they are less likely to take prisoners or stop and help wounded comrades. There are of course interesting exceptions to these sweeping statements involving people who cross the gender boundaries, and anybody who is highly trained will respond according to their training, but as a general rule I believe it holds.
All of which becomes a problem when the 'battle' isn't a real fight at all but just an internet argument without the social restraints of community to rein us all in. :( The males are going around posturing and not empathising, while the women are leaping for the jugular whenever they feel attacked. The wonder is not that kerfuffles escalate, but that any of us have a shred of emotional sanity left to keep going ;)