First off: I don't know adelheid so this is not a commentary on her, just the general situation.
The fifty hypothetical people berating her would be doing so because they thought she was being racist, and maybe they'd be right. There is some heckling in these discussions, but I think most people are expressing genuine hurt, and there's no dynamic that doesn't silence someone: either the person writing the half thought out post doesn't get to work through their issues publically, or the people hurt by it don't express that hurt. There is no way for everyone to express themselves freely and without conflict.
The problem with making thinking out loud posts where you work through your issues is you can very easily either say something which is genuinely prejudiced because it hasn't occurred to you how wrong it is, or just express yourself badly and come across that way, and the people commenting aren't psychic so will react as if you mean every word.
See for example: this post. It came across to you as being part of the "gay men vs m/m writing women" debate, and so you criticised it on that score. I didn't mean it that way, but you're not psychic nor do you know me very well, and couldn't be expected to assume the best of me. Lots of other people are criticising me for implications I either didn't mean to make or hadn't thought through and now realise are wrong.
On the other hand, there was no way for me to work through these ideas without discussing it with a bunch of people. I knew any post on this subject was going to get lots of defensive people taking what I said personally, and I hate conflict, and if it had not been for the post quoting me from a comment I had already decided was wrong I wouldn't have made it. So while your actions are justified, they are also part of the dynamic silencing me.
And this all gets much more fraught when it comes to the kyriarchy. Two recent examples where I've been on both sides.
I wrote a post working though my thoughts around being mostly straight, and it was very wrongheaded and hurtful to my bisexual friends (it is now heavily edited). But I've been thinking about this subject for years and probably couldn't work through it without saying some stupid stuff.
Several times friends recently have linked to posts/stories etc that I found really hurtful and angry making. I said so and they got all sadface and defensive that this thing they loved was flawed in ways they had trouble understanding. This hurt my feelings, and has made me very reluctant to criticise things friends link to, which is making me feel quite depressed and silenced.
There's no easy way around this problem afaict. All you can do is try to minimise the hurt you cause without totally martyring yourself to others.
no subject
The fifty hypothetical people berating her would be doing so because they thought she was being racist, and maybe they'd be right. There is some heckling in these discussions, but I think most people are expressing genuine hurt, and there's no dynamic that doesn't silence someone: either the person writing the half thought out post doesn't get to work through their issues publically, or the people hurt by it don't express that hurt. There is no way for everyone to express themselves freely and without conflict.
The problem with making thinking out loud posts where you work through your issues is you can very easily either say something which is genuinely prejudiced because it hasn't occurred to you how wrong it is, or just express yourself badly and come across that way, and the people commenting aren't psychic so will react as if you mean every word.
See for example: this post. It came across to you as being part of the "gay men vs m/m writing women" debate, and so you criticised it on that score. I didn't mean it that way, but you're not psychic nor do you know me very well, and couldn't be expected to assume the best of me. Lots of other people are criticising me for implications I either didn't mean to make or hadn't thought through and now realise are wrong.
On the other hand, there was no way for me to work through these ideas without discussing it with a bunch of people. I knew any post on this subject was going to get lots of defensive people taking what I said personally, and I hate conflict, and if it had not been for the post quoting me from a comment I had already decided was wrong I wouldn't have made it. So while your actions are justified, they are also part of the dynamic silencing me.
And this all gets much more fraught when it comes to the kyriarchy. Two recent examples where I've been on both sides.
I wrote a post working though my thoughts around being mostly straight, and it was very wrongheaded and hurtful to my bisexual friends (it is now heavily edited). But I've been thinking about this subject for years and probably couldn't work through it without saying some stupid stuff.
Several times friends recently have linked to posts/stories etc that I found really hurtful and angry making. I said so and they got all sadface and defensive that this thing they loved was flawed in ways they had trouble understanding. This hurt my feelings, and has made me very reluctant to criticise things friends link to, which is making me feel quite depressed and silenced.
There's no easy way around this problem afaict. All you can do is try to minimise the hurt you cause without totally martyring yourself to others.