i really enjoy this post and wholeheartedly second much of what you've said. i've also had a really positive experience being in femslash fandom. i think one of the most heart-warming things for me as a queer-identified woman who is partnered with another woman in real life is to meet such a diversity of mostly women writers who are drawn to femslash. women in relationships with women, women who identify as bi or queer but who are in LTRs with men, women who identify as straight but love female characters and are secure enough in their sexuality not to be afraid of getting lesbian cooties from femslash. maybe i am close minded in my own way- or just cynical based on past experiences- but seeing the latter group especially is something that really warms the cockles of my heart.

i also struggle some times with male femslashers. part of me is like "if you love femslash or this pairing, come on down! everyone is welcome!" but there is baggage, you know, especially from how f/f pairings are portrayed in the media at large as something for the titillation of straight men. and sometimes i feel like their investment in the characters lines up with mine, and yeah, sometimes it feels like they are objectifying them in a way that makes me uncomfortable.