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Somone is wrong on the internet about aromanticism
I got into an argument on tumblr with someone about aromanticism and I don't feel like engaging with them any more but they are SO INFURIATING I feel the need to rant.
Note: I am not aromantic myself, I apologise if I misstep. You guys have enough crap to deal with.
So! I came across a post on my tumblr dash which I was pretty sure implied that there is no right way to be aromantic (it also implied some nasty stuff about asexuals, but no obvious reply to that jumped out at me). I rebutted it and got a grumpy reply with little substance which I rebutted more thoroughly, ending with the question "IS there any form of aromanticism you’re ok with?"
I got no reply, but she's made two posts which answer me: one saying all aromantic people are deluded or evil and another implying a lot of them are rapists and abusers wtf.
And I just....WHAT. NO. ACK.
I know a bunch of aromantic (or sort-of-aromantic) people, and they have shown no signs of being self hating or abusive. Quite the reverse!
They're happy with who they are and where they're at (on average for their age and situation etc, obviously the usual self doubts apply), and simply avoid romantic relationships. It's not a fear of committment, I know romantic people who are much more afraid of committment and stick to short exciting romantic infatuations. It's not sociopathy since they're as caring as anyone else to their friends and family and very careful not to give romantic people false expectations. It's not a youthful phase since off the top of my head they're all at least in their late twenties and if anything even more ceertain of their orientation than when they were younger (and seem to have as good a grasp of what romantic relationships entail as anyone else) It's no more selfish than being straight/gay/not into that one guy: "I like you but not that way" is not a sentiment exclusive to aromantic people, and at least this way you know it's nothing personal.
Also while I'm sure sexual aromantic guys exist, all the aromantic people I know (off the top of my head) are women or non binary gendered and either asexual or grey asexual. This idea that they're all creepy sexual predators who blame their orientation is just bizarre. Especially since in my experience abusers exagerate their romantic feelings to justify their abuse!
Given the long long history of men mistreating the women they feel romantic towards I can't see why it at all follows that aromantic heterosexual men are The Worst. I mean I'm sure some of them are sexist creeps because all groups of men contain sexist creeps, but as long as they're honest about their orientation how are they any worse than anyone else who wants friends with benefits? If two aromantic sexual people have sex in a forest, is anyone oppressed?
Asides from all that, god I hate people prefacing hurtful bigoted remarks with stuff like "this may cause a shitstorm". The danger is not getting a "shitstorm" (and if polite disagreement from me count as one you have lived a very sheltered life), the danger is being hurtful and bigoted.
Guh!
Ok I feel better now. Phew.
Note: I am not aromantic myself, I apologise if I misstep. You guys have enough crap to deal with.
So! I came across a post on my tumblr dash which I was pretty sure implied that there is no right way to be aromantic (it also implied some nasty stuff about asexuals, but no obvious reply to that jumped out at me). I rebutted it and got a grumpy reply with little substance which I rebutted more thoroughly, ending with the question "IS there any form of aromanticism you’re ok with?"
I got no reply, but she's made two posts which answer me: one saying all aromantic people are deluded or evil and another implying a lot of them are rapists and abusers wtf.
And I just....WHAT. NO. ACK.
I know a bunch of aromantic (or sort-of-aromantic) people, and they have shown no signs of being self hating or abusive. Quite the reverse!
They're happy with who they are and where they're at (on average for their age and situation etc, obviously the usual self doubts apply), and simply avoid romantic relationships. It's not a fear of committment, I know romantic people who are much more afraid of committment and stick to short exciting romantic infatuations. It's not sociopathy since they're as caring as anyone else to their friends and family and very careful not to give romantic people false expectations. It's not a youthful phase since off the top of my head they're all at least in their late twenties and if anything even more ceertain of their orientation than when they were younger (and seem to have as good a grasp of what romantic relationships entail as anyone else) It's no more selfish than being straight/gay/not into that one guy: "I like you but not that way" is not a sentiment exclusive to aromantic people, and at least this way you know it's nothing personal.
Also while I'm sure sexual aromantic guys exist, all the aromantic people I know (off the top of my head) are women or non binary gendered and either asexual or grey asexual. This idea that they're all creepy sexual predators who blame their orientation is just bizarre. Especially since in my experience abusers exagerate their romantic feelings to justify their abuse!
Given the long long history of men mistreating the women they feel romantic towards I can't see why it at all follows that aromantic heterosexual men are The Worst. I mean I'm sure some of them are sexist creeps because all groups of men contain sexist creeps, but as long as they're honest about their orientation how are they any worse than anyone else who wants friends with benefits? If two aromantic sexual people have sex in a forest, is anyone oppressed?
Asides from all that, god I hate people prefacing hurtful bigoted remarks with stuff like "this may cause a shitstorm". The danger is not getting a "shitstorm" (and if polite disagreement from me count as one you have lived a very sheltered life), the danger is being hurtful and bigoted.
Guh!
Ok I feel better now. Phew.
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I've had my own sexual and romantic experences belittled and erased myself, happy to help!