First: that is a hugely important point, thank you. Second: you sent me onto a train of thought about family dynamics that made me rethink the effect my mum's awful older brother has had on her. I'm not sure if he's abusive per se, but he's certainly a horrible, draining person, and she's only now in her 50s really letting herself distance herself from him (they're also first generation immigrants, which doesn't help). I might look into abusive sibling dynamic stuff and pass anything I find onto her, she's on a journey of self discovery and diagnosis right now and that might help her figure out her brain some more.

So, double thank you :)