I don't feel like you're missing something at all. But I do think young people, being driven away from using the catchall term queer (both by themselves, each other, TERFs, and antis) needed a catchall term in lieu of that, which ended up being 'gay.' (I really hope this doesn't mean there's a period of time where younger generations are like 'well gay used to be used as a slur so you CAN'T' etc. But there probably will be.)
I do use it on Tumblr, though mostly in a reclamatory sense, and specifically in referring to myself and not others (i.e. 'my gay little heart' or something) - and partly because I know it makes gay cis men SO ANGRY when we do it. I think that's actually...a part of the experience for some, is that it's a thorn in the side of the cis-gay-male community (particularly the huge white chunk of it), and on Tumblrs where it gets used, you can see that part of the community in the comments and replies and reblogs getting absolutely infuriated by a) folks like me using the word and b) responses from mogai folk like: 'well until you start actively including us in your community, or validating us under the words we're 'meant' to be using, we'll use your word, thanks.'
So I have to admit, for me personally, especially spending like 5 years on Tumblr both in the gay male community and also in the mogai communities, there's been a real sense of 'fuck you' specifically to that cis-gay-male component, as in 'you think this is your word, but this doesn't get to be only your word if you keep treating us like crap.' (...Which is spiteful and mean, for sure, but I do think that's a pretty significant part of certainly its prevalence in Tumblr spaces; especially for queer folk who are keyed into the cis-gay-male community. That said, I know a lot of people who use gay to describe themselves (when they cannot be traditionally understood to be seen as gay) are just doing it because they've seen it elsewhere.
But in active debates about sexuality which is often 'cis gay male' Tumblr vs. '*every other pocket of queer' Tumblr - there's definitely a reclamation happening, not just taking a slur back like queer from the whole of society, but taking a word that is loaded and difficult within the LGBTQIA community back into the whole community (which is definitely not a smooth process and maybe not even an appropriate process). I think it's safe to say that most young folk aren't doing that with that in mind. But the debates focusing around 'you can't use this word it belongs to US and YOU'RE not gay' are definitely an 'us' vs. 'them' where the them, in this context, are cis-gay-men and the word - not necessarily reclaimed - but deliberately used out of context, is 'gay.' There's this whole battle going on it seems that's happening now around 'why do you get to use this word, when that's the word that everyone validates or mentions most or talks about most re: gay marriage etc. Since that thing concerns me too, I'M going to use it.'
Anyway, that's certainly where I think it mostly originates from as a political concept. I still wish we'd just use the word queer, tbh, but that's my old damn 90s / early 00s heart that enjoyed the process of reclamation anyway and a lot of people - esp. young people - genuinely hate that word.
I don't think I was tagging a lot of those posts on myawesomespace back in the day (I just looked and it doesn't seem like I was), but I've definitely reblogged a few posts/discussions that look like this:
gay guy: stop using the word gay for your NB crap that's not even real NB: you saying that is why we use the word gay.
Or:
gay guy: stop using the word gay for all these things that aren't straight but aren't my comfortable sector of the gay community. LBTQIA person: welp you call it GAY marriage and GAY adoption and the GAY community, so we're just following your lead. ;)
Honestly, it is truly quite a provocative movement at its core when people actually start discussing *why* they're doing it (certainly, that's where I first learned about it and after a year of thinking about it, it's why I started doing it myself as a considered political choice to highlight issues in the community - it's definitely not a choice without its issues though). It may have changed since then, but the Australian 'gay marriage' thing brought it up again in the circles I run in.
(But tl;dr the bias of my Tumblr circles means I could be in a tiny little pocket which doesn't apply to anything else at all, because Tumblr is WEIRD).
no subject
I do use it on Tumblr, though mostly in a reclamatory sense, and specifically in referring to myself and not others (i.e. 'my gay little heart' or something) - and partly because I know it makes gay cis men SO ANGRY when we do it. I think that's actually...a part of the experience for some, is that it's a thorn in the side of the cis-gay-male community (particularly the huge white chunk of it), and on Tumblrs where it gets used, you can see that part of the community in the comments and replies and reblogs getting absolutely infuriated by a) folks like me using the word and b) responses from mogai folk like: 'well until you start actively including us in your community, or validating us under the words we're 'meant' to be using, we'll use your word, thanks.'
So I have to admit, for me personally, especially spending like 5 years on Tumblr both in the gay male community and also in the mogai communities, there's been a real sense of 'fuck you' specifically to that cis-gay-male component, as in 'you think this is your word, but this doesn't get to be only your word if you keep treating us like crap.' (...Which is spiteful and mean, for sure, but I do think that's a pretty significant part of certainly its prevalence in Tumblr spaces; especially for queer folk who are keyed into the cis-gay-male community. That said, I know a lot of people who use gay to describe themselves (when they cannot be traditionally understood to be seen as gay) are just doing it because they've seen it elsewhere.
But in active debates about sexuality which is often 'cis gay male' Tumblr vs. '*every other pocket of queer' Tumblr - there's definitely a reclamation happening, not just taking a slur back like queer from the whole of society, but taking a word that is loaded and difficult within the LGBTQIA community back into the whole community (which is definitely not a smooth process and maybe not even an appropriate process). I think it's safe to say that most young folk aren't doing that with that in mind. But the debates focusing around 'you can't use this word it belongs to US and YOU'RE not gay' are definitely an 'us' vs. 'them' where the them, in this context, are cis-gay-men and the word - not necessarily reclaimed - but deliberately used out of context, is 'gay.' There's this whole battle going on it seems that's happening now around 'why do you get to use this word, when that's the word that everyone validates or mentions most or talks about most re: gay marriage etc. Since that thing concerns me too, I'M going to use it.'
Anyway, that's certainly where I think it mostly originates from as a political concept. I still wish we'd just use the word queer, tbh, but that's my old damn 90s / early 00s heart that enjoyed the process of reclamation anyway and a lot of people - esp. young people - genuinely hate that word.
I don't think I was tagging a lot of those posts on myawesomespace back in the day (I just looked and it doesn't seem like I was), but I've definitely reblogged a few posts/discussions that look like this:
gay guy: stop using the word gay for your NB crap that's not even real
NB: you saying that is why we use the word gay.
Or:
gay guy: stop using the word gay for all these things that aren't straight but aren't my comfortable sector of the gay community.
LBTQIA person: welp you call it GAY marriage and GAY adoption and the GAY community, so we're just following your lead. ;)
Honestly, it is truly quite a provocative movement at its core when people actually start discussing *why* they're doing it (certainly, that's where I first learned about it and after a year of thinking about it, it's why I started doing it myself as a considered political choice to highlight issues in the community - it's definitely not a choice without its issues though). It may have changed since then, but the Australian 'gay marriage' thing brought it up again in the circles I run in.
(But tl;dr the bias of my Tumblr circles means I could be in a tiny little pocket which doesn't apply to anything else at all, because Tumblr is WEIRD).