Saying that unconventional grownups are pathetic and predatory, or even just boring, is damaging to us and to the young people who will grow into us. They need to see that they have a future, that they can become adults and still hold onto who they are, and what they need.
Yeah, I... get so frustrated with the low bar for ageism set on places like Tumblr, and how they often spring out of similar places that anti rhetoric springs, or alternatively, have their basis in deeply flawed moral panic which is meant to be polarising and divisive.
It's also just - the are predators who are young, there are predators who will only be predators while they're young (emotional abuse is very easy for a lot of people to engage in until they literally learn better behaviour), and of course there are older predators, but you're more likely to find more grounded advice from older people re: things like toxic relationships and friendships from people with lived experience. This whole 'the predators are in one camp and we're in the other' is terrifying, that will do direct damage.
I remember the relief I felt when I started - even as a 13 yo - meeting adults who seemed a bit weirder, like me. Or unconventional. And then from relief, came community (a mixed community, people of all ages! Though granted not many over the age of 50). And then out of that, came friendship, and all the messy things friendship might entail (including toxic friendships, arguments and more, but I was having them with my fellow youngster, even as I had them as a 17 yo with like a 45 yo pagan woman from Wales who just...didn't know any better - the most valuable less I learned was that there are very mature and grounded people in their teens and twenties, and there will be deplorably miserable immature 40 and 50 yos, and therefore - age isn't a true marker of maturity, and it's okay to stand up to adults who treat you badly; something I knew in theory, but appreciated learning in practice).
Not everyone follows the same path, sure, and I have always been someone who has generally gotten along better with older people, when I was a younger person - I'm glad I don't see that rhetoric everywhere, at least.
Anyway, I'm rambling but basically, yes I agree and have a lot of incoherent thoughts about it lol.
no subject
Yeah, I... get so frustrated with the low bar for ageism set on places like Tumblr, and how they often spring out of similar places that anti rhetoric springs, or alternatively, have their basis in deeply flawed moral panic which is meant to be polarising and divisive.
It's also just - the are predators who are young, there are predators who will only be predators while they're young (emotional abuse is very easy for a lot of people to engage in until they literally learn better behaviour), and of course there are older predators, but you're more likely to find more grounded advice from older people re: things like toxic relationships and friendships from people with lived experience. This whole 'the predators are in one camp and we're in the other' is terrifying, that will do direct damage.
I remember the relief I felt when I started - even as a 13 yo - meeting adults who seemed a bit weirder, like me. Or unconventional. And then from relief, came community (a mixed community, people of all ages! Though granted not many over the age of 50). And then out of that, came friendship, and all the messy things friendship might entail (including toxic friendships, arguments and more, but I was having them with my fellow youngster, even as I had them as a 17 yo with like a 45 yo pagan woman from Wales who just...didn't know any better - the most valuable less I learned was that there are very mature and grounded people in their teens and twenties, and there will be deplorably miserable immature 40 and 50 yos, and therefore - age isn't a true marker of maturity, and it's okay to stand up to adults who treat you badly; something I knew in theory, but appreciated learning in practice).
Not everyone follows the same path, sure, and I have always been someone who has generally gotten along better with older people, when I was a younger person - I'm glad I don't see that rhetoric everywhere, at least.
Anyway, I'm rambling but basically, yes I agree and have a lot of incoherent thoughts about it lol.