I like your distinction between 1. woobification, 2. apologia and 2. justifying real-life bad behavior and agree that they are different things. And now I'm thinking about how the Tokugawa arc in Demon's Bond sort of does all three? 1. woobification - Tokugawa has people who loved him, loved his son (even though he killed him), was good with hawks, was kind of a lovable person if you knew him, etc. 2. apologia - some of the worst stuff was actually done by his evil vizier and he tried his best to stop it. 3. justifying real-life bad behavior - it's ok to conquer lots of people if you do it to impose a strong government that can keep the peace. And I really, really liked it and thought it dealt with the difficult moral questions with integrity and complexity. So I think even #3 can be ok, depending on how it is written.

I am inclined to see these as broadly equivalent whether motivated by love or hate, though it may differ depending on the specific context. I tend to see 1-2 as generally benign, and 3-4 as generally bad.

*nods*