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A continuation of my reply to this tumblr post because my brain said STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS before I'd proof read it enough to feel sure it says what I want it to say. Poking at how trauma works is valuable but tricky!
EDIT: Looks like I stumbled into an existing technical semantic argument, which is one of my least favourite kind of arguments, so I may take a while to reply to any comments!
Content note: bullying and trauma.
A quote which I found useful while pondering how to fit my own experience of trauma into this framework: “The person may not remember what actually happened, while emotions experienced during the trauma may be re-experienced without the person understanding why“. For me recognising my own trauma has been a very slow and unpleasant puzzle of (1) recognising a ‘weird mood’ as me disassociating and re-experiencing traumatic emotions (2) Figuring out what triggered it in the present (3) Figuring out what trauma it’s based on from the past. I mean I wouldn’t be too fussed if there was a different word for what I’m experiencing, but afaict "trauma” is the correct word for reminders of previous bad experiences triggering an overwhelming anxiety attack/regressing to childhood emotional state and thoughts.
And the message that trauma can be connected to seemingly minor events has been really useful for me in untangling the puzzle. Partly because I have a tendency to under-rate and repress my own negative experiences, and partly because these traumas are often made of up lots of little moments, not all of which are very dramatic.
Like, it’s connected to other more blatant/physically threatening etc bullying, but I could still have the experience of going “Wow that conversation messed me up, why is that? *pokes brain* OH. It reminded me of being picked last for teams at school, and that’s connected to trauma for me.” I don’t have low self esteem about being bad at sport (I have low self esteem about other things, but not that), I just get triggered into an anxiety attack by certain sports related topics, and I don’t have a better word for that than “trauma”.
That said, people who have self esteem issues around sport but not trauma can be annoying when they don’t get that my issues are different to theirs.
Meanwhile, I have self esteem issues around my art, and get anxious posting it etc, but don't feel like I have any specifically art related trauma.
So yeah, the OP is still kinda wrong, I just disagree slightly as to why.
This all gets complicated by the fact that for various reasons my negative emotional responses to things can in general be way overblown, due to trauma or otherwise, which can lead to something getting strong negative associations in my head even though it wasn't objectively that bad. I'm still not good at untangling the line between "strong bad associations that aren't trauma" and trauma etc, especially since thinking deeply about traumatic responses, even in an abstract intellectual way, tends to make me very anxious.
AND SO I SHALL STOP THERE AND HOPE THIS ALL MAKES SENSE.
EDIT: Looks like I stumbled into an existing technical semantic argument, which is one of my least favourite kind of arguments, so I may take a while to reply to any comments!
Content note: bullying and trauma.
A quote which I found useful while pondering how to fit my own experience of trauma into this framework: “The person may not remember what actually happened, while emotions experienced during the trauma may be re-experienced without the person understanding why“. For me recognising my own trauma has been a very slow and unpleasant puzzle of (1) recognising a ‘weird mood’ as me disassociating and re-experiencing traumatic emotions (2) Figuring out what triggered it in the present (3) Figuring out what trauma it’s based on from the past. I mean I wouldn’t be too fussed if there was a different word for what I’m experiencing, but afaict "trauma” is the correct word for reminders of previous bad experiences triggering an overwhelming anxiety attack/regressing to childhood emotional state and thoughts.
And the message that trauma can be connected to seemingly minor events has been really useful for me in untangling the puzzle. Partly because I have a tendency to under-rate and repress my own negative experiences, and partly because these traumas are often made of up lots of little moments, not all of which are very dramatic.
Like, it’s connected to other more blatant/physically threatening etc bullying, but I could still have the experience of going “Wow that conversation messed me up, why is that? *pokes brain* OH. It reminded me of being picked last for teams at school, and that’s connected to trauma for me.” I don’t have low self esteem about being bad at sport (I have low self esteem about other things, but not that), I just get triggered into an anxiety attack by certain sports related topics, and I don’t have a better word for that than “trauma”.
That said, people who have self esteem issues around sport but not trauma can be annoying when they don’t get that my issues are different to theirs.
Meanwhile, I have self esteem issues around my art, and get anxious posting it etc, but don't feel like I have any specifically art related trauma.
So yeah, the OP is still kinda wrong, I just disagree slightly as to why.
This all gets complicated by the fact that for various reasons my negative emotional responses to things can in general be way overblown, due to trauma or otherwise, which can lead to something getting strong negative associations in my head even though it wasn't objectively that bad. I'm still not good at untangling the line between "strong bad associations that aren't trauma" and trauma etc, especially since thinking deeply about traumatic responses, even in an abstract intellectual way, tends to make me very anxious.
AND SO I SHALL STOP THERE AND HOPE THIS ALL MAKES SENSE.
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