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On 'growing out of' interests
A post I made on tumblr I was pretty happy with, so, a crosspost!
I feel like there’s a fundamental misrepresentation and misunderstanding of how changing interests work.
A lot of adults do ‘grow out of’ the interests they had in their youth. But it’s not like they suddenly lose the joy they took in that interest with nothing to replace it, nor is it (usually) a deliberate choice to Leave Behind Childish Things even though they still bring joy.
It’s just that interests tend to naturally change as you get older, and some interests are on average more appealing to younger people, so most young people into them will eventually start getting into something else. And if someone happens not to lose a particular interest as they grow older then…that’s fine, and not bad or immature or creepy. It’s just how things happened to go.
It’s like: when I was little, I was super into playing with dolls. A lot of kids will decide one day that they’re too old for that sort of thing, but I had the opposite experience: I spent my teen years babysitting my three much younger siblings, which involved a lot of playing dolls whether I liked it or not. And I didn’t hate it, but the appeal definitely wore off over time, and to the extent I did enjoy it my siblings often thought my doll-playing ideas were weird and unfun (and apparently, scary? I didn’t find this out until decades later, when my brother spoke of it with lingering fear in his eyes, and I was *very apologetic*. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING FUNNY)
But these days other interests give me the same enjoyment playing with dolls used to. I still make up scenarios about characters, just now it’s with art, writing, computer games etc. I once looked into the adult doll-playing community for a story, and discussed it with an adult doll-playing friend, and I could intellectually see how they get the same enjoyment out of playing with dolls that I do from playing with 3D models or whatever. I neither pity nor envy them, I just find it interesting to compare our different experiences. And the couple of times I’ve ended up playing with dolls as an adult (with kids, as research etc), it was still kinda fun and nostalgic, if not something I felt much motivation to do again. The joy is not DESTROYED, just metamorphosed.
On the other hand, I continue to be super into anime and video games into my 40s, when many of my friends who used to be into them in our youth are now into other things. They’re having just as much fun as me with their arthouse cinema or whatever. It’s just what they like nowadays. They still experience whimsy, playfulness, and joy.
This kind of thing can go wrong: Some adults cling to childhood interests out of a fear of moving on, others force themselves to stop doing something they enjoy because 'it’s immature’, etc. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
And while there can be messy power dynamics when adults and children with the same interests interact, that’s a separate issue to the adults liking the thing in the first place. We can and should discuss how to navigate those power dynamics without just going 'adults should only like grownup things’. Because that doesn’t help anyone.
I feel like there’s a fundamental misrepresentation and misunderstanding of how changing interests work.
A lot of adults do ‘grow out of’ the interests they had in their youth. But it’s not like they suddenly lose the joy they took in that interest with nothing to replace it, nor is it (usually) a deliberate choice to Leave Behind Childish Things even though they still bring joy.
It’s just that interests tend to naturally change as you get older, and some interests are on average more appealing to younger people, so most young people into them will eventually start getting into something else. And if someone happens not to lose a particular interest as they grow older then…that’s fine, and not bad or immature or creepy. It’s just how things happened to go.
It’s like: when I was little, I was super into playing with dolls. A lot of kids will decide one day that they’re too old for that sort of thing, but I had the opposite experience: I spent my teen years babysitting my three much younger siblings, which involved a lot of playing dolls whether I liked it or not. And I didn’t hate it, but the appeal definitely wore off over time, and to the extent I did enjoy it my siblings often thought my doll-playing ideas were weird and unfun (and apparently, scary? I didn’t find this out until decades later, when my brother spoke of it with lingering fear in his eyes, and I was *very apologetic*. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING FUNNY)
But these days other interests give me the same enjoyment playing with dolls used to. I still make up scenarios about characters, just now it’s with art, writing, computer games etc. I once looked into the adult doll-playing community for a story, and discussed it with an adult doll-playing friend, and I could intellectually see how they get the same enjoyment out of playing with dolls that I do from playing with 3D models or whatever. I neither pity nor envy them, I just find it interesting to compare our different experiences. And the couple of times I’ve ended up playing with dolls as an adult (with kids, as research etc), it was still kinda fun and nostalgic, if not something I felt much motivation to do again. The joy is not DESTROYED, just metamorphosed.
On the other hand, I continue to be super into anime and video games into my 40s, when many of my friends who used to be into them in our youth are now into other things. They’re having just as much fun as me with their arthouse cinema or whatever. It’s just what they like nowadays. They still experience whimsy, playfulness, and joy.
This kind of thing can go wrong: Some adults cling to childhood interests out of a fear of moving on, others force themselves to stop doing something they enjoy because 'it’s immature’, etc. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
And while there can be messy power dynamics when adults and children with the same interests interact, that’s a separate issue to the adults liking the thing in the first place. We can and should discuss how to navigate those power dynamics without just going 'adults should only like grownup things’. Because that doesn’t help anyone.