Thorns

A Rant On Respecting Gender Identities

2024-02-22T01:08:30Z

Inspired by this post from a gnc woman who keeps having people insist on using they/them for her.

If your "inclusive" approach to gender consistently misgenders certain types of cis people, it's not actually inclusive. "Respect everyone's stated gender identity" is the very lowest bar you need to clear! If you can't manage that, wtf are you even doing. If you think cis people's feelings literally don't matter at all then (a) That sucks don't do that and (b) do you really think you're not ALSO misgendering certain types of trans people? Cos I bet you are! Go sit in the corner and rethink your concept of gender until you can manage a basic standard of decency and respect for all gender identities.

This includes anyone who, say, "compliments" any straight cis men they like by saying they must actually be closeted trans lesbians. If he says he's a man you treat him like a man! If your definition of man is so narrow that "treating someone like a man" is incompatible with like/respect etc, that's a problem with you! Even if someone you thought was a closeted trans women does actually come out as one, that doesn't change the fact that you should have treated her as a man while she identified as one.

There's nothing wrong with thinking someone is giving off Trans Vibes. Privately saying to a friend "I wouldn't be surprised if X came out" is fine. If you're close enough, approaching them to check in and offer to change what pronouns you use is fine. But acting like you're qualified to ignore their stated gender is never ok. Even if they are closeted, you just outed them!

"Respect everyone's stated gender identity" is the very lowest bar you need to clear.

(And of course this all applies to respecting stated sexuality as well. Yes I am looking at you, people who think it's ok to publicly insist that someone is 'secretly gay')

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Yes and-ing gender related terms

2023-12-05T01:23:00Z

Ok I don't know if this has already been done better elsewhere, and it's more of an intellectual exercise than a serious call for new language.

But I've been thinking about how it would be useful to have a way to signify that when I, for example, describe myself as "a man" I mean it in the context of being genderfluid, having a gender which includes "man" but is not defined by or limited to it, and which is just as much "woman" and "other" in the same way. I am not a "man" in the same way that a binary trans man or cis man is a "man", where man is the entirety of their gender identity to the exclusion of "woman" etc.

So it's like... I'm a man&, and also a woman& and other&. (I would use man+ etc but have a vague memory of seeing that used for something else. Google just got confused when I checked, though)
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Characters that are or "feel" non binary to me

2020-05-12T10:32:45Z

Reading this post by a non-binary person about allegorical vs literal representation got me thinking about my own complex feelings about various characters that either are or feel non-binary, and I was curious to poke at my preferences and compare notes with other non binary folk.
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Links: Queer issues

2019-02-28T02:29:19Z

We are not the same – on Raphael, Jughead and Aro/Ace representation

stop pitting detransitoners against happily transitioned people

Physician, know thy own queer history
"A reflection on current sex-negative and exclusionary trends in LGBTQ+ discourse as the unfortunate consequence of 20 years of campaigning for same-sex marriage and legal gender transition, and therefore a focus on respectability politics and neglect of sex positivity and sex education" I think I linked to the dreamwidth post because of the comments.

Issues with "women and nonbinary" submission calls

The History of Homosexuality in Japan: Part 1

Non binary characters in Japanese media

When making inclusion resources for women and nonbinary folk, please consider including trans men Note that not all trans men feel this way! But it's a point of view worth noting.

(yes I did come across some of these researching Hakuoki fic, shh)

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Thoughts I had as a "straight cis woman" who was really bi, ace, and genderfluid

2018-06-13T04:02:18Z

I've seen a few posts along these lines for being a lesbian/binary trans etc (see for example this post) and found it really interesting to compare and contrast. So here's my own experiences, both for understanding myself and for anyone struggling with similar thoughts who might find it useful.

Note: just because I had these thoughts and later realised I was bi etc doesn't mean anyone having similar thoughts necessarily has the same orientation/gender as me. In the other direction, if you're bi/ace/genderfluid and haven't had these thoughts that doesn't make either of us wrong. Human experience is varied and complex.

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The privilege vs unprivileged dichotomy, specifically as regards non binary people

2017-12-12T03:00:11Z

What started out as a short reply to this very good post about tumblr focussing too narrowly on identity.

(Also, I know some people find it annoying when I use "oppression" in this kind of context but I don't know of a better term that works neatly)

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A metaphor about my feelings on being transmasculine

2017-12-09T05:00:56Z

I have no idea how universal this is. And specifically, I know some people find "being marginalised is like being a monster" metaphors super alienating, and may wish to not read further.
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On being a non binary femslasher

2017-01-24T03:42:34Z

This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only. Originally posted to tumblr.

Hi, I'm Sophie alias sqbr, a fic writer and fanartist, mostly into Bioware games, anime, and Jane Austen.

This post is basically just a bunch of thoughts about my personal experience, I would be really interested to hear from other people with different experiences. In a sense it's the third in a trilogy:
First, Why do we femslash?, written back in 2009 when I identified as a straight cis woman.
Second, Personal Experiences of Femslash Fandom as a Queer Space, written in 2013 after I started identifying as a bi woman.
And now we have this, written in 2017, now that I identify as a genderfluid biromantic grey asexual. I guess we'll have to wait and see where I'm at in 2021 ;)

So! I've been into f/f since before I even realised queerness existed (my childhood feels about Anne/Diana let me tell you them), and into femslash fandom for about ten years. I have always identified much more strongly with female characters than male ones, and while I enjoy m/f romance I get tired of it's ubiquitous heteronormativity. So when I find good f/f I really enjoy it, and I get a kick out of making it.

When I realised I was bi a lot of things made more sense. I was a bi woman, no wonder I identified with female characters and like m/f and f/f! But when I realised I was genderfluid it made things a little more complicated.
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Most blatant search and replace of "women" I've seen in a while

2016-12-26T22:09:27Z

50 Ways People Expect Constant Emotional Labor from Women and Femmes

Right down to a link about how "women and femmes" have a pay gap... that leads to an article about women vs men. I am not expecting anyone to have access to data that includes non binary people but they could say that rather than erasing our existence.

If they'd not done the search and replace I'd just have had a moment of "sigh, non binary people exist" but otherwise be ok with it.

Discussions of gender which erase non binary people are annoying but they are not as actively gross to me as ones which "remember" us by just assuming some portion of us are "basically women" (whether it be femmes or "women aligned" non binary people or some other arbitrary subset) and implicitely treat the rest like "basically men".
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Trying out they/them pronouns!

2016-09-15T14:07:01Z

Honestly not sure I'll stick to it, and if you slip up and refer to me as "she" I won't be destroyed (unless I thought you were doing it out of pig headedness or something) But I feel like it's something I need to try out and see if it fits!

If the usage confuses you: it's like if I was a person of unknown gender. Which, being genderfluid, I kind of am! "Can you ask Sophie if they are ready for dinner?" etc.

Oh, also: this is my Tii-from-Glitch icon, since they are a non binary maths nerd giant :D

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