Good Geek/Guy Gadvice

[sqbr]

I keep seeing posts like this and then losing them again, so a (currently pretty sparse) compilation of all the useful-looking (to me) social-advice-for-geeks I've seen and can think of right now. I'll add more stuff if I think of it/am linked it.

Not all of these are explicitely "advice", but I think the important factors are (a) Talking about issues of social interaction and (b)largely being aimed at the people they're complaining about, ie not a woman ranting to her female friends about a particular male behaviour.

Also, note that I don't neccesarily agree with everything in all of these, but they are least thought provoking.

Dealing with geek social dynamics

• Five geek social fallacies
  
• RETAIL: THE WRATH OF CAT PISS MAN An extended version of Geek Fallacy 1
  
• The Short Bus of Social Interactivity needs "..also, don't use sexist/ablist etc language", but never mind, otherwise pretty good.
  

Relationship/flirting advice
So far all aimed at (but not neccesarily by) straight guys

• Jason's Guide to Con Flirting Without Being THAT GUY
  
• Auntie Penknife's Guide to Flirting for Men
  
• A Straight Geek Male's Guide to Interaction with Females
  
• I remember seeing an awesome essay on the flaws inherent in the "Nice Guy" theory, but I can't find it again. Brief googling got me this and this which capture some of it. EDIT: also The Internet Nice Guy Rears His Ugly Head Once More
  
• EDIT AGAIN: 8 months later and here it is: No more Mr Nice Guy. Via the comments on the feed for this xkcd strip about the same thing.
  

Totally not geeky, I just like it

• Baby-stepping away from racism: A guide for white people
  

Comments

[elaran.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my flist's been dotted with those posts actually. It's kinda fun to read. Though a large portion of it is stuff that I considered part of normal social interaction with other people. And I get that the stereotype is that the people at cons etc or geeks/nerds/whatever are, I don't know, less aware? of social boundaries but it's a bit worrying that basic stuff has to be spelled out for people out there.

[alias_sqbr]

And I get that the stereotype is that the people at cons etc or geeks/nerds/whatever are, I don't know, less aware? of social boundaries but it's a bit worrying that basic stuff has to be spelled out for people out there.

Have you ever been to a con? :)

[elaran.livejournal.com]

LOL this is true that I have not. :)

oh maaaaaan!

[anxiolytic.livejournal.com]

The five geek fallacies article was eye opening. I've seen the mentioned behaviour in others, but didn't realise it was so wide-spread to have become a stereotype.

I think I suffer from #1 a tad, but get pissed off at people quickly enough to not let this affect me.

#2 and #3 are just alien to me.

#4 - I reeled in horror a couple of years ago when my various groups of friends started meeting and interacting with each other. Thankfully that phase has passed, and they have spread apart again (not completely though).

#5 - WTF? I would get NOTHING done if I felt the over-riding urge to invite all my friends to everything I do. Hell, some of the times I don't invite any!

[edible-hat.livejournal.com]

I'm sharing the five geek fallacies with my gaming group. No doubt the GSF1 carriers will be offended, but to them I'll say YFYP.

[(Anonymous)]

The "nice guy" articles are both crap, sure there's a small subsection of "nice guys" who are really just whiny overly-romantic losers, but they are a minority. In much greater numbers are the friendly, normal guys who just aren't really considered dating material by most women. I don't know why.

You see them in UniSFA from time to time, they seem to fit in and they have both male and female friends, but they never date. I'm not talking about shy guys, it's pretty clear why they never date. I'm talking about the ones who for whatever reason just never find girlfriends, despite being generally chatty and well-liked. There are a few unisfans I can think of like that, but I won't name them. I wonder what "heartless bitches" dot com has to say about them, the *real* nice guys.

[greyreviews.livejournal.com]

Maelkann? Is that you?

[alias_sqbr]

Heh. I mean they're not that bad, mostly, but in a lot of ways it's like unisfa, only more so, without the context of classes etc to remind people of normal human behaviour :)

Re: oh maaaaaan!

[alias_sqbr]

Yeah, reading the article I was like "You mean it isn't just me/the people I know?" :) I have problems with pretty much all of them to some extent (well, maybe not 3), I think it's partly a way of avoiding having to deal with the complexities of social interaction ("Can't figure out who to invite..I'll invite them all!").

[alias_sqbr]

Don't blame me if they pout :)

[alias_sqbr]

They're not the ones who whine about girls never going after nice guys though, thus noone needs to write a rant about them.

And I don't know that there's any more of them than there are nice girls who can't find a partner. Aren't they just as entitled (ha!) to happiness?

The reasons differ from person to person, but imo it's often not that they're all that unnattractive (where attractiveness has a lot to do with things like self confidence etc, not just physical appearance), it's just that there's (currently) no intersection between the people they're attractive to, and the ones they're attracted to. Noones fault, really, just unfortunate.

Also: anonymous commenting is pretty low, dude, and has bad associations. If you know me at all, you'll know I have no problem with people disagreeing with me (heck, it's not like what you're saying is even very offensive, my husband said something pretty similar to me the other day and I still like him. Especially since he pretty quickly realised he was spouting crap :D ). Also, this way you won't get notified of my incisive, gob-smackingly brilliant reply!