Everything you wanted to know about sexuality but were too dumb to ask

[sqbr]

ithiliana made a locked post(*) asking her flist what GLBT people wish was better known by their peers at uni, and what straight people wish they'd known at uni. I found this a really interesting question, since by uni most people have gotten past the basic "Gay people exist and aren't evil" stage. EDIT: I haven't included stuff on non-monogamous relationships and other misunderstood aspects of sexuality like S&M etc since that wasn't part of the original post. Feel free to discuss them in the comments anyway :)

So, this is my answer, including stuff I've seen other people get consistently wrong:

1) On the whole GLBT people look and act just like straight people, there's no such thing as reliable "gaydar"(**). Don't freak out when a "normal" person turns out to be GLBT (especially T) or make assumptions about a "gay acting" person.
1a)Straight is not the default, don't just assume any "normal acting" person is interested in people of the opposite sex and not in those of the same sex (or that those distinctions even apply). No, not even if they have/had a partner of the opposite sex.
1b)Don't freak out if people don't assume you're straight. They're just covering all bases, not "accusing" you of being lesbian or gay.

2)Asexuals exist. They are not going to grow out of it. They are not secretly gay. They don't need to "try it and see".

3) Straight people do not get to "reclaim" "gay"/"fag" etc as insults/negative adjectives etc. Not even if the context has nothing to do with sexuality.

4) Intersex and trans* people exist and have feelings. It doesn't suddenly become ok to make fun of them if you use words like "hermaphrodite" and "shemale".

5) Sexuality and identity are complicated and a matter of personal choice. You don't get to say "She had a boyfriend, she's not a lesbian" or "He said that guy is cute, he's not an asexual".
5b) These things also change. Someone can be enthusiastically straight, and then become gay/lesbian, and then identify as a pansexual etc, and not be "lying".

6) GLBT doesn't begin to cover it. (I'm not 100% up on all the varieties of sexuality myself, I must admit)

7) (After reading comments on that post) Sexuality is not actually just about sex. As with straight people, it's all mixed up with love and companionship and all that stuff in a sometimes very complicated way.


So what do you guys think?
EDIT: I'm not going to correct this post since I'd be rewriting it forever and I think it acts an interesting snapshot into the brain of a well meaning but somewhat clueless straight person. But it's definitely flawed, and there's lots of important additions and discussion in the comments.

(*)to keep answers private, she said it was ok to mention it existed
(**)Well, not for straight people, anyway :)

Comments

[shineys-are-us.livejournal.com]

I like your answers. Something I might add to 5) is that bisexuals really do exist and they don't need to match *idiot'sname's* quota. There's a guy on heated debate that seems convinced that to be bisexual, a person needs to be exactly 50/50. To make it more difficult to meet his standards, anyone who actually gets close to this 50/50 isn't bisexual, they're just indifferent to who they sleep with *rollseyes* Actually, no one needs to match a quota and it's insulting as hell to tell them that because they don't match it, they're confused/lying about their sexuality. (Can you tell this is one of my pet hates?)

I'm pretty happy that you put 2 in. To that one I'd add that just like any other sexuality, people come in different flavours. Some asexuals are also aromantic, while some will go into relationships. Some will have sex because their partner(s) are sexual.

Cool post overall. You've got a typo in 5b, 'panexual'. I assume you meant pansexual.

[alias_sqbr]

Oh yes, I've encountered the "Anything but a perfect 3 on the Kinsey scale is either straight or lesbian/gay" argument before. And then there's the less common "If you're not a perfect 0 you're bi/lesbian/gay" argument, which I had applied to me once (being briefly attracted to, at that time, one girl once does not a bisexual make)

[shineys-are-us.livejournal.com]

One of my friends kept asking me how I know that I'm bisexual (*) given that I haven't had a proper relationship with a woman. I don't mind a friend asking me that once but it started annoying me once she'd done it a few times. She eventually got the point when I asked her how she knew she was straight when she hadn't either. She's a really sweet lass, it just took her a while to get it.

(*)shorthand term, my sexuality is more complicated than that but bisexual is easier to understand

[alias_sqbr]

I think there's still an underlying attitude that being gay or lesbian is something you do rather than something you feel (and thus bisexuals don't exist: ether you're being gay/lesbian, or you're being straight)