sqbr | Everything you wanted to know about sexuality but were too dumb to ask

ithiliana made a locked post(*) asking her flist what GLBT people wish was better known by their peers at uni, and what straight people wish they'd known at uni. I found this a really interesting question, since by uni most people have gotten past the basic "Gay people exist and aren't evil" stage. EDIT: I haven't included stuff on non-monogamous relationships and other misunderstood aspects of sexuality like S&M etc since that wasn't part of the original post. Feel free to discuss them in the comments anyway :)

So, this is my answer, including stuff I've seen other people get consistently wrong:

1) On the whole GLBT people look and act just like straight people, there's no such thing as reliable "gaydar"(**). Don't freak out when a "normal" person turns out to be GLBT (especially T) or make assumptions about a "gay acting" person.
1a)Straight is not the default, don't just assume any "normal acting" person is interested in people of the opposite sex and not in those of the same sex (or that those distinctions even apply). No, not even if they have/had a partner of the opposite sex.
1b)Don't freak out if people don't assume you're straight. They're just covering all bases, not "accusing" you of being lesbian or gay.

2)Asexuals exist. They are not going to grow out of it. They are not secretly gay. They don't need to "try it and see".

3) Straight people do not get to "reclaim" "gay"/"fag" etc as insults/negative adjectives etc. Not even if the context has nothing to do with sexuality.

4) Intersex and trans* people exist and have feelings. It doesn't suddenly become ok to make fun of them if you use words like "hermaphrodite" and "shemale".

5) Sexuality and identity are complicated and a matter of personal choice. You don't get to say "She had a boyfriend, she's not a lesbian" or "He said that guy is cute, he's not an asexual".
5b) These things also change. Someone can be enthusiastically straight, and then become gay/lesbian, and then identify as a pansexual etc, and not be "lying".

6) GLBT doesn't begin to cover it. (I'm not 100% up on all the varieties of sexuality myself, I must admit)

7) (After reading comments on that post) Sexuality is not actually just about sex. As with straight people, it's all mixed up with love and companionship and all that stuff in a sometimes very complicated way.

So what do you guys think?
EDIT: I'm not going to correct this post since I'd be rewriting it forever and I think it acts an interesting snapshot into the brain of a well meaning but somewhat clueless straight person. But it's definitely flawed, and there's lots of important additions and discussion in the comments.

(*)to keep answers private, she said it was ok to mention it existed
(**)Well, not for straight people, anyway :)

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Even though "okay so given that we know you're not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone, and given that we also know that you find certain women attractive (never mind that you also find certain men attractive)...! LOL YOU KNOW YOU'RE SECRETLY GAY RIGHT!" happened less often than "OH YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND THE RIGHT BOY LOL DON'T WORRY TRUE LOVE WILL MAKE YOU ONE OF US", I think I found it more annoying.

I got a lot of the second. They really couldn't handle the concept that this wasn't actually something I wanted.

I don't on the whole find anyone particularly attractive. Though there are levels of unattractiveness I notice (though they have more to do with attitude and hygiene). Not on a physical level anyway.

The idea of myself being in a romantic-type relationship is completely sickening, but some people think that'll be fixed when I fall in true love.

There was one woman at work who just KEPT going "oh you'll meet the right boy one day, don't worry", even when I asked her to stop because it was getting offensive, and finally I snapped and went "how would you like it if I said you were just waiting for the right girl to become gay, don't worry, it'll happen one day?" and - and she got so upset with me, how dare I say something like that about her.

Urrrgh oh god I am so glad I don't work with her anymore. She brings up nothing but angry memories.

I have pretty strict necessities to find characters attractive, mostly centered around their hairstyle and degree of waistcoatedness and accordionedness - my attraction is much, much more on the physical level than any of my friends' attractions (I don't understand crushing on a character who is hideously ugly because their personality is attractive).

But I don't find real people attractive.

They have to play an accordion?

I find the idea of romantic love interesting, and occasionally moving in fiction. But I find it nearly impossible to transfer the concept to my life. I think that it's not that I cannot love someone, it's just that it is something that does not happen quickly, and does not depend on the physical appearance of the other person.

People who want to have a relationship with an asexual need to have a lot of understanding and patience.

They don't have to, but it can overcome being ugly because they don't have the right hair or because they're not wearing a shirt.

Then then, of course, have to never stop playing.

Romantic love is like brainwashing and Stockholm syndrome. Interesting to read and write about, but depressing when it happens to people I know.

"OH YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND THE RIGHT BOY LOL DON'T WORRY TRUE LOVE WILL MAKE YOU ONE OF US"

I have been very guilty of this (including with you, I think, for which I apologise) I mean some people do change their attitude and benefit from finding the right romantic partner, but that doesn't make it right to assume that's right for everyone, any more than people should go around assuming all we need to do is "find the right religion".

Everything you wanted to know about sexuality but were too dumb to ask

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