Why it's silly to ask "Am I a sexist for doing this?"

[sqbr]

EDIT: So Cam is annoyed because I misinterpreted what he meant. So, let's imagine a hypothetical person asked: "I do action X. Does that make me a sexist?"

A metaphor to explain why that's not a useful question:

Suppose you're having a conversation about whether or not it's ok to cut people off in traffic. Suppose someone says:

"I cut someone off in traffic today, does that make me a bad person?"

Either you say "no", and they say "Oh good, so it's ok to cut people off in traffic."
Or you say "yes" and they say "But I can't be a bad person! I give money to charity!"

It's not about whether or not you're a bad person, it's about whether or cutting people off in traffic is an bad act. If it is, and you do it all the time, then maybe you are a bad person, but you can be an overall good person and cut people off from time to time. Everyone does both good and bad things.

Similarly, "Am I sexist for doing this?" isn't a very useful question. We are all sexist(*), in the sense of having sexist biases and being complicit in a sexist society. So the point is to figure out which acts are particularly sexist, and avoid doing them, not to figure out which people are sexist and punish them.

That said, you can draw a line in the sand and decide that anyone who is, overall, more sexist than that is a "sexist person", and some acts are so horribly sexist that you might decide that doing them means you've crossed that line. But most sexist acts (like most unethical acts) are, by themselves, pretty minor in the scheme of things, and doing them doesn't make you inherently worse than anyone else. Though that doesn't mean you don't have s responsibility to figure out the negative consequences of your acts and try to mitigate them.

I'm going to keep this relatively short so I won't go into all the complications of doing harmful things by mistake etc. I just liked the metaphor and wanted to share it :)

Relating to the original version of the post: I will say: I think liking a sexist show isn't a sexist act anyway. You can't help what you like!

(*)By my definition, and definitions vary

Comments

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

As a writerly-type once wrote: "You can't help what you want, but you can help what you do."

Very wise words indeed.

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

I think liking Show X isn't a sexist act anyway. You can't help what you like!

The other reason it's silly to be like "is it wrong to like a sexist show?" is that it's kind of like a fish asking "is it wrong for me to breathe this water?" There's not really another option-- like you said, it's a sexist society that we live in, and the result is that just about every show fails on some level, either actively or passively. If you like a tv show, then you probably like a sexist show-- period. I know I do! (And even if someone could find a show that was awesomely sexism-free, it might be racially problematic or promote sterotypes about religion or sexual identity, or any number of things.)

But, I mean, am I going to stop watching Hollywood musicals of the 1930s and 40s because they are sometimes crazily sexist and racist? No, because I like awesome dance numbers... I think the best answer to the question is "no, it's not wrong to like a sexist show as long as (1) on some level you're aware of the problematic elements, so you're not just passively accepting and internalizing them, and (2) you don't try to attack or shut down other people who might want to talk about it, just because they're criticising something you like."

[ataxi.livejournal.com]

"Am I a sexist for doing this?" doesn't mean "Am I absolutely, categorically a sexist for doing this?": the potential sexism of the subject is evidently made relative to the act in question.

It really is just another way of phrasing "is this sexist?" for most people. Which is one way to figure out which acts are sexist ("the point" as you say): ask someone else. Although I agree with the post on the whole, I think you're splitting a rather long hair. Question what is and isn't sexist (or otherwise a tendency worth changing) is pretty crucial.

I just defended Slumdog Millionaire to someone who said "isn't this just another bourgeois poverty-is-noble everyday-Joe-white-knight rescues damaged-but-still-hot-chick sex fantasy?" ... I really enjoyed that film, and felt his summary rather elided the good bits. Now I find myself wondering whether I applied an adequately critical mind to it.

[infamyanonymous.livejournal.com]

A single act/belief/moment does not define one's character.

And (keeping in mind I'm very tired) is it such a bad thing to be a little bit sexist/racist/blahist? I mean, if you're aware of it, or the fact that you worry about it at all, I would regard as better than people who think they're not at all biased. Being completely neutral in the real world is an absurd premise.

Liking a show that someone decibed as sexist, to my mind, is more like "I once drank tequila, does that make me Mexican?"
I'm too tired to explain that metaphor, so I hope it makes sense.

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

As a writerly-type once wrote: "You can't help what you want, but you can help what you do."

Very wise words indeed.

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

I think liking Show X isn't a sexist act anyway. You can't help what you like!

The other reason it's silly to be like "is it wrong to like a sexist show?" is that it's kind of like a fish asking "is it wrong for me to breathe this water?" There's not really another option-- like you said, it's a sexist society that we live in, and the result is that just about every show fails on some level, either actively or passively. If you like a tv show, then you probably like a sexist show-- period. I know I do! (And even if someone could find a show that was awesomely sexism-free, it might be racially problematic or promote sterotypes about religion or sexual identity, or any number of things.)

But, I mean, am I going to stop watching Hollywood musicals of the 1930s and 40s because they are sometimes crazily sexist and racist? No, because I like awesome dance numbers... I think the best answer to the question is "no, it's not wrong to like a sexist show as long as (1) on some level you're aware of the problematic elements, so you're not just passively accepting and internalizing them, and (2) you don't try to attack or shut down other people who might want to talk about it, just because they're criticising something you like."

[ataxi.livejournal.com]

"Am I a sexist for doing this?" doesn't mean "Am I absolutely, categorically a sexist for doing this?": the potential sexism of the subject is evidently made relative to the act in question.

It really is just another way of phrasing "is this sexist?" for most people. Which is one way to figure out which acts are sexist ("the point" as you say): ask someone else. Although I agree with the post on the whole, I think you're splitting a rather long hair. Question what is and isn't sexist (or otherwise a tendency worth changing) is pretty crucial.

I just defended Slumdog Millionaire to someone who said "isn't this just another bourgeois poverty-is-noble everyday-Joe-white-knight rescues damaged-but-still-hot-chick sex fantasy?" ... I really enjoyed that film, and felt his summary rather elided the good bits. Now I find myself wondering whether I applied an adequately critical mind to it.

[infamyanonymous.livejournal.com]

A single act/belief/moment does not define one's character.

And (keeping in mind I'm very tired) is it such a bad thing to be a little bit sexist/racist/blahist? I mean, if you're aware of it, or the fact that you worry about it at all, I would regard as better than people who think they're not at all biased. Being completely neutral in the real world is an absurd premise.

Liking a show that someone decibed as sexist, to my mind, is more like "I once drank tequila, does that make me Mexican?"
I'm too tired to explain that metaphor, so I hope it makes sense.