A comment about judging people

[sqbr]

So people with chronic fatigue syndrome are a minority in society. People with vaguely similar chronic illnesses and disabilities are less of a minority, I have no idea how much less.

But I still get very annoyed when people assume that anyone who does *blah thing to save energy* must be lazy. Yes, in the old days we didn't have labour saving devices etc. And in the old days, being chronically ill or disabled really sucked. (It still does, but not as much)

Pre-prepared food, remotes, scooters, whatever.

I mean I can understand saying "Surely not EVERYONE who uses this actually needs it, so the overall popular trend is bad even if some uses are valid" but you can't judge any given person without knowing their circumstances.

Even if they're overweight, especially since mobility issues tend, oddly enough, to lead to weight gain. Sometimes people's ill health is either unrelated to, or the cause of their weight issues, and we have just as much right to do unhealthy things like eating junk food as anyone else. Sick and disabled people do not fit into neat little boxes of "lovable perfect victim who never complains" and "entitled whiner who brought it on themselves".

Not aimed at anyone in particular, inspired by hearing about examples of overweight people with similar symptoms to mine (shortness of breath, low blood sugar meaning I need to eat often, slow ungainly gait etc) being judged for "making themselves sick by not losing weight", and thinking dark thoughts about my future since I can't see how I can not gain weight with my current level of immobility. Also this post, which has the added fibre of classism!

Oh, and that woman at the station who said to the man awkwardly carrying his crutch off the train before putting it back on "You obviously don't need that, haha"

Phew! I feel better now.

Comments

Thoughts unrelated to cfs

[alias_sqbr]

Also, while it's hard for me to remember what it was like before I got cfs, and I've actually never been 100% healthy, I think I do in general have a "live and let live" approach to other people's health. I think part of it is that most people, even with their unhealthy lifestyles, feel better than I do, so I think "Well, if I felt that good, I'd probably eat lots of chocolate and icecream too" (and in fact, I did)

I still seriously miss being able to eat whatever I wanted and do whatever I wanted. I'm not going to begrudge those who have the option to do that and take it.

I don't even really mind people smoking, it's their lungs. Though if any of my close friends or family started I'd probably bug them slightly every now and then.

All that said, maybe it's just been too long since I met anyone really whiny, and I've forgotten what they're like.

EDIT: Wait, I've realised what it is. The question was framed wrong (for me).

I don't see people as lazy if they're miserable and won't fix it even thought they could. I see them as self destructive. And obviously watching someone be self destructive is unpleasant, but all you can do is offer them advice and hope they make the right choice for themselves.

EDIT 2: Oh! And Drama Queens. I've encountered some of them. With health issues I tend to take people at their word but in general some people do seem to blow negative life experiences into a shakespearean tragedy with themselves in the lead. So, they're annoying.

But I see "Not looking after yourself" and "complaining too much" as two orthogonal measures, and have more sympathy for people who complain all the time whose lives actually suck (even if they could fix it) than for ones whose don't.

(Can you tell I hadn't really thought about this before and am figuring out what I think as I go? :))

Re: Thoughts unrelated to cfs

[flyingblogspot.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the answer; I was still figuring out the question as I went as well! It's been really enlightening reading yours and infamyanonymous's thoughts and made me reconsider my level of tolerance for certain behaviours.