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SPOILERS, obviously. WARNING: brief references to creepy sexual stuff.
In short: Racism, angst, homophobia, angst, racism, angst, sex, ANGST, they lived happily ever after, the end.
But other than that it was pretty good.
( SPOILERS! TRIGGERS! ANGGSSSSTTTT )
Tess, aka Lady Somethingorother, has grown up traveling the world with her explorer/botatanist aristocrat father. Indians, like tigers, are a colourful but dangerous obstacle to awesome white people discovering stuff.
"She..generously informed the Indians that the jungle monsters with holes for faces were no longer in pursuit..They had escorted the white woman out of Barrio do Rio in order to save themselves from the supernatural beasts that she had said would surely descend upon them if they hadn't."
Gryphon, aka the Marquis of Dowhatsit, was betrayed by his Evil Uncle as a child and grew up bitter and alone as a sea captain. (his family was attacked by pirates pretending to be in distress, "a mixture of races and language, filthy beneath their disguise of Western dress") He is determined to Never Love Again.
Implausibly, after Tess's father dies and she returns to England Gryphon is secretly hired to be her guardian. (Why secretly? More angst!)
Gryphon meets his Evil Cousin, son of the Evil Uncle and unrightful inheritor of Gryphon's estate, at a party. He flirts with Gryphon and tries to get him to join him in gay pedophile bondage before saying he intends to marry Tess (yes, he just happens to independently become interested in both the protagonists out of all the people at the party) Gryphon angsts about his cousin.
Tess meets Queen Victoria. They bond.
Tess and Gryphon assume the other despises them for their unpolished lack of etiquette. They angst. They kiss. Gryphon says "No, it must not be!". They angst. She says "Fine, I'll marry Elliot, since you won't say why won't marry me or why you don't like him". They angst.
They get engaged! They are happy for like a page!
Then Gryphon's only friend in the world dies.
While he's angsting, a manipulative slut who got herself pregnant claims he's the father to Tess and shows proof he's been paid to look out for her. Tess accuses Gryphon. While he's trying to think of a reply she says "Don't look like you're only friend in the world just died!". He laughs bitterly. She takes this as proof of his evil and marries the Evil Cousin.
Gryphon runs off to sea and angsts, even more determined to Never Love Again.
The Evil Gay Cousin was planning on raping Tess but can't overcome her icky femaleness so sticks with small boys and locks her in a room until she's rescued on Gryphon's instruction.
Tess has the marriage anulled (still a virgin!) and chases after Gryphon to Tahiti. There are many irritating misunderstandings and Charming Ethnic People and zany Polynesian customs and lovable plantation owners. A 16 year old tahitian girl tries to seduce Gryphon and he takes the fact she failed as proof of how obsessed with Tess he is. G&T have sex. Gryphon tries to send Tess away because he can Never Love Again. They angst. They get married. Gryphon spends their wedding night alone in his cabin getting drunk and angsting. He sends Tess away because he can Never Love Again. They angst.
Tess is captured by the Evil Gay Cousin and sent to..a nice farm in Scotland?
Gryphon seriously considers becoming a people trader: sure, he's always avoided it in the past, but he needs the money! This is the most explicit and damning reference to slavery/indentured servitude in the book. But instead he goes to rescue Tess.
Gryphon confronts the Evil Cousin. It turns out he's not evil, he was abused by an Evil Lady Servant as a child! But he tries to kill Gryphon and after a long complicated chase he's dead. Gryphon can't find Tess and assumes she's dead.
Tess gets Queen Victoria to stay Gryphon's execution for murder just as the rope is going around his neck (also she had a baby). There is prison and angst. And then a trial and he is freeee AND recognised as the Marquis AND has his estate back. But he thinks Tess is dead and so would rather DIE.
But she's not dead! He has everything he wants!
He angsts and refuses to see her and mopes around his mansion because HE CAN NEVER LOVE AGAIN.
And then, EVENTUALLY they get together and live happily ever after and I JUST DIDN'T CARE. The end.
(nb I have read books where the protagonist is depressed and determined to never love again that were ok. It's the "Yes! We can be together! Let's have sex!..actually, no, we can NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN" cycle that got old)
In short: Racism, angst, homophobia, angst, racism, angst, sex, ANGST, they lived happily ever after, the end.
But other than that it was pretty good.
( SPOILERS! TRIGGERS! ANGGSSSSTTTT )
Tess, aka Lady Somethingorother, has grown up traveling the world with her explorer/botatanist aristocrat father. Indians, like tigers, are a colourful but dangerous obstacle to awesome white people discovering stuff.
"She..generously informed the Indians that the jungle monsters with holes for faces were no longer in pursuit..They had escorted the white woman out of Barrio do Rio in order to save themselves from the supernatural beasts that she had said would surely descend upon them if they hadn't."
Gryphon, aka the Marquis of Dowhatsit, was betrayed by his Evil Uncle as a child and grew up bitter and alone as a sea captain. (his family was attacked by pirates pretending to be in distress, "a mixture of races and language, filthy beneath their disguise of Western dress") He is determined to Never Love Again.
Implausibly, after Tess's father dies and she returns to England Gryphon is secretly hired to be her guardian. (Why secretly? More angst!)
Gryphon meets his Evil Cousin, son of the Evil Uncle and unrightful inheritor of Gryphon's estate, at a party. He flirts with Gryphon and tries to get him to join him in gay pedophile bondage before saying he intends to marry Tess (yes, he just happens to independently become interested in both the protagonists out of all the people at the party) Gryphon angsts about his cousin.
Tess meets Queen Victoria. They bond.
Tess and Gryphon assume the other despises them for their unpolished lack of etiquette. They angst. They kiss. Gryphon says "No, it must not be!". They angst. She says "Fine, I'll marry Elliot, since you won't say why won't marry me or why you don't like him". They angst.
They get engaged! They are happy for like a page!
Then Gryphon's only friend in the world dies.
While he's angsting, a manipulative slut who got herself pregnant claims he's the father to Tess and shows proof he's been paid to look out for her. Tess accuses Gryphon. While he's trying to think of a reply she says "Don't look like you're only friend in the world just died!". He laughs bitterly. She takes this as proof of his evil and marries the Evil Cousin.
Gryphon runs off to sea and angsts, even more determined to Never Love Again.
The Evil Gay Cousin was planning on raping Tess but can't overcome her icky femaleness so sticks with small boys and locks her in a room until she's rescued on Gryphon's instruction.
Tess has the marriage anulled (still a virgin!) and chases after Gryphon to Tahiti. There are many irritating misunderstandings and Charming Ethnic People and zany Polynesian customs and lovable plantation owners. A 16 year old tahitian girl tries to seduce Gryphon and he takes the fact she failed as proof of how obsessed with Tess he is. G&T have sex. Gryphon tries to send Tess away because he can Never Love Again. They angst. They get married. Gryphon spends their wedding night alone in his cabin getting drunk and angsting. He sends Tess away because he can Never Love Again. They angst.
Tess is captured by the Evil Gay Cousin and sent to..a nice farm in Scotland?
Gryphon seriously considers becoming a people trader: sure, he's always avoided it in the past, but he needs the money! This is the most explicit and damning reference to slavery/indentured servitude in the book. But instead he goes to rescue Tess.
Gryphon confronts the Evil Cousin. It turns out he's not evil, he was abused by an Evil Lady Servant as a child! But he tries to kill Gryphon and after a long complicated chase he's dead. Gryphon can't find Tess and assumes she's dead.
Tess gets Queen Victoria to stay Gryphon's execution for murder just as the rope is going around his neck (also she had a baby). There is prison and angst. And then a trial and he is freeee AND recognised as the Marquis AND has his estate back. But he thinks Tess is dead and so would rather DIE.
But she's not dead! He has everything he wants!
He angsts and refuses to see her and mopes around his mansion because HE CAN NEVER LOVE AGAIN.
And then, EVENTUALLY they get together and live happily ever after and I JUST DIDN'T CARE. The end.
(nb I have read books where the protagonist is depressed and determined to never love again that were ok. It's the "Yes! We can be together! Let's have sex!..actually, no, we can NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN" cycle that got old)
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At least the write-up was fun?
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I imprinted on some of the more racially questionable ones at an early age. And I like crackfic. But...never read her in the expectation that she has any control over the plot.
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