Thanks for posting that. I hope it reaches the eyes of people who need to see it. When I was a kid I was starving for adult mentors and role models, and I'm so glad I was able to find some. If I'd convinced myself that somehow interacting with adults was inherently problematic, I would have been so screwed.
After reading your post, I'm starting to think of "growing up" as a continued process of refining skills, both emotional and practical, and of making choices, some of which relate to age and some of which aren't. This is a somewhat sloppy definition, and I'm not quite satisfied with it, but I like conceptualizing it as a process with no fixed end goal.
I've mentored a teen as an adult before, and a lot of what we were doing was modeling through our own behavior and lives, being unconditionally supportive, and providing a sounding board that was neither an authority figure or a peer in the same circle. We were supposed to do a lot of listening, and we generally were supposed to ask questions instead of giving advice (if we could resist the temptation :p), but the very act of asking questions is a prompt to look more deeply into a situation and to practice emotional skills.
As a teen, I didn't have adult role models, outside of fandom/roleplaying spaces, but even that was very helpful. Having adults who _liked_ me and had confidence in my ability to deal with things was great, as were having people who I trusted to be on my side.
And as an adult, I've definitely found a lot of value in knowing older people and seeing the choices they make and their perspectives.
I also think a part of the process for me has also been looking back at some of my earlier role models and taking the new things I've learned since then and going, "hmm, not like that." New information and new perspectives are good.
After reading your post, I'm starting to think of "growing up" as a
continued process of refining skills, both emotional and practical, and of
making choices, some of which relate to age and some of which aren't. This
is a somewhat sloppy definition, and I'm not quite satisfied with it, but I
like conceptualizing it as a process with no fixed end goal.
nods It's been one of the happy surprises of getting older, that there's
no end point where you stop growing and changing.
I took part in an official mentoring program at my uni from both sides and
the teens had zero interest in actually talking to the mentors, there was
some failure in the setup or something. But I've been on both sides of
friendly acquaintanceships with a mentory vibe and found them very
rewarding.
I have another thing I want to say but my sleepy brain is refusing to
articulate it. But your thoughts were interesting!
I find that these days, 20 somethings feel plenty young. I'm not opposed to
talking to younger teens but they really feel like children when I do, it's
hard to have a real conversation past the vastly difference in POV.
Haha, I think talking to mentors is a skill, and it takes some trust and vulnerability as well -- I've been on both sides of those programs (in a non-academic work context), and I think I only became good at being a mentee after I became a mentor. On the other hand, I've watched some people absolutely thrive at figuring out how to get what they want out of a mentorship.
Friendly acquaintanceships are much easier. And fun!
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Though now I'm a little sad I yeeted myself out of all non 18+ spaces.
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I've mentored a teen as an adult before, and a lot of what we were doing was modeling through our own behavior and lives, being unconditionally supportive, and providing a sounding board that was neither an authority figure or a peer in the same circle. We were supposed to do a lot of listening, and we generally were supposed to ask questions instead of giving advice (if we could resist the temptation :p), but the very act of asking questions is a prompt to look more deeply into a situation and to practice emotional skills.
As a teen, I didn't have adult role models, outside of fandom/roleplaying spaces, but even that was very helpful. Having adults who _liked_ me and had confidence in my ability to deal with things was great, as were having people who I trusted to be on my side.
And as an adult, I've definitely found a lot of value in knowing older people and seeing the choices they make and their perspectives.
I also think a part of the process for me has also been looking back at some of my earlier role models and taking the new things I've learned since then and going, "hmm, not like that." New information and new perspectives are good.
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After reading your post, I'm starting to think of "growing up" as a continued process of refining skills, both emotional and practical, and of making choices, some of which relate to age and some of which aren't. This is a somewhat sloppy definition, and I'm not quite satisfied with it, but I like conceptualizing it as a process with no fixed end goal.
nods It's been one of the happy surprises of getting older, that there's no end point where you stop growing and changing.
I took part in an official mentoring program at my uni from both sides and the teens had zero interest in actually talking to the mentors, there was some failure in the setup or something. But I've been on both sides of friendly acquaintanceships with a mentory vibe and found them very rewarding.
I have another thing I want to say but my sleepy brain is refusing to articulate it. But your thoughts were interesting!
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I find that these days, 20 somethings feel plenty young. I'm not opposed to talking to younger teens but they really feel like children when I do, it's hard to have a real conversation past the vastly difference in POV.
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Yeah, I didn't really know any non-parent/teacher-y adults until I got to uni, but some of the ones I met there were a revelation.
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Friendly acquaintanceships are much easier. And fun!
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Yeah, I think I'd be much better at both sides now.