On inappropriate envy

[sqbr]

Two things you should not say to someone whose life is significantly affected by a medical condition:
1) Wow, I wish I could life your life!
2) If I had to live like that I would die

I've had quite a bit of the latter when I tell people I can't eat much chocolate etc, it get a bit frustrating. I don't mean "That must be annoying", I'm talking a reaction of intense pity and shock. (It's not that bad!)

But now I have chronic fatigue I get a lot more of the former. To anyone who wants to spend all day laying around doing nothing? Do it! What's that, you can't afford it? You'd feel guilty? People might give you crap? That doesn't stop me, don't let it stop you!

Still, thinking about this reminded me to look up dot_gimp_snark. Also Lauredlh has a good post about chronic fatigue and invisible disabilities here.

Tactless oaf that I am, I have almost certainly said both of these things multiple times to different people, especially since most of the time it's just people reacting in "Oh god I don't know what to say" panic, which is a common state for me. So, you know, if you've done it to me I probably just accepted it as karma :)

Comments

[evil-megz.livejournal.com]

Personally, while I might not die without chocolate/chocolate flavoured milk, I would probably become psychotic and depressed. But I am abnormally addicted to the stuff, and I'd get used to eventually. And I wouldn't feel incredible pity for others who can't have it, since I'm aware that not everybody shares my addictions.

As for being jealous of CFS, I would like an "excuse" to lie around all day with nobody justifiably telling me I was just being lazy, but I imagine chronic fatigue wouldn't be quite the relaxing lying-around-all-day experience that people who are jealous of you must expect, but more of a you-feel-like-you've-just-worked-a-solid-week-but-have-nothing-to-show-for-it-argghh experience.

(And hey, I could have CFS anyway. Though I think it's actually narcolepsy. Or cats-fall-on-me-a-lot-while-I'm-sleeping fatigue.)

[auntpol.livejournal.com]

Remember the good old days of double choc chill? I miss that stuff!

((and yeah, there's a really big difference between contentedly lazy and doing nothing, and I'm exhausted and doing nothing. I can't believe people would even say that to someone with CFS, it's pretty...insane))

[firvulag.livejournal.com]

Just try and find me being 'civil' during the first month of any attempt at 'no caffiene' or 'no coca-cola'. I'm not good company at all. after that month, I'm generally ok though. and then for some reason I end up back on it when I really should know better. I enjoy it too much though and it isn't 'that' bad for me anyway... :)

I would imagine CFS is similar to the effect of crohn's was up to and for a while after diagnosis. And anytime they took me off the steroids and other drugs. You have next to no energy. If you do something, mental or physical, you need to get that energy back and the only way to do that is rest/sleep.

I'm not game to let a doctor try to diagnose me with CFS, I don't want to know. I'll just pretend it's just work making me feel tired. It's better for me that way. (I have -1.5 sick days, and -1 annual leave currently, and I'm trying my hardest to fix that. already used 0.5 of the 1.8 I get back this month and it only started on thursday...)

[alias_sqbr]

Hmm. See my reply to evil_megz above: if it is cfs you really don't want to push it or you could make yourself worse.

But yeah, I gave up on staying within my sick days a looong time ago :)

[terrycat.livejournal.com]

You have next to no energy. If you do something, mental or physical, you need to get that energy back and the only way to do that is rest/sleep.
Except that if you sleep too much, you lose energy.
If this was a game, no-one would want to play it.

[alias_sqbr]

Except that if you sleep too much, you lose energy.

Ah, see, I get insomnia the next day.

Which leads to a lack of energy, so I guess it's all the same thing :/

[alias_sqbr]

Actually I was pretty addicted to it in my youth, but then again I didn't have to quit cold turkey, I just became more and more aware of the negative physical effects (which unfortunately take longer to kick in than the positive ones, allowing me to be in denial about them) and slowly cut it out.

I imagine chronic fatigue wouldn't be quite the relaxing lying-around-all-day experience that people who are jealous of you must expect, but more of a you-feel-like-you've-just-worked-a-solid-week-but-have-nothing-to-show-for-it-argghh experience.

Got it in one. And most of the time I am literally physically incapable of moving, so it's not so much an excuse as an explanation.

(And hey, I could have CFS anyway. Though I think it's actually narcolepsy. Or cats-fall-on-me-a-lot-while-I'm-sleeping fatigue.)

I Am Not A (medical) Doctor, but having been in that boat, if it is CFS you want to be careful, since the reason I'm in this mess is because I pushed myself too hard when I was just tired all the time but able to work etc if I pushed myself. Keep an eye on yourself, and if you're interested the overview here is pretty good (just scroll past the first few pages)