On inappropriate envy

[sqbr]

Two things you should not say to someone whose life is significantly affected by a medical condition:
1) Wow, I wish I could life your life!
2) If I had to live like that I would die

I've had quite a bit of the latter when I tell people I can't eat much chocolate etc, it get a bit frustrating. I don't mean "That must be annoying", I'm talking a reaction of intense pity and shock. (It's not that bad!)

But now I have chronic fatigue I get a lot more of the former. To anyone who wants to spend all day laying around doing nothing? Do it! What's that, you can't afford it? You'd feel guilty? People might give you crap? That doesn't stop me, don't let it stop you!

Still, thinking about this reminded me to look up dot_gimp_snark. Also Lauredlh has a good post about chronic fatigue and invisible disabilities here.

Tactless oaf that I am, I have almost certainly said both of these things multiple times to different people, especially since most of the time it's just people reacting in "Oh god I don't know what to say" panic, which is a common state for me. So, you know, if you've done it to me I probably just accepted it as karma :)

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/peasant_/]

I've started wearing slightly uncomfortable shows, that way my feet start hurting if I walk/stand too much :)

Oh that is hysterical and a brilliant idea!

Ultimately I have found that the only way to cope is routine. I have a routine and when I stick to it I stay reasonably well and can cope with the life I have. I still have to deal with my frustration about the stuff I can't do of course, but that too gets easier with practice.

I guess that is what I most wish someone had told me when I first got ill - so I'll tell you in the hope it gives you some benefit :) It does get easier. Even if you don't get better in noticeable increments (I am lucky, I have improved, but the timescale is years not months or weeks) simply learning how to cope becomes easier and that makes life as a whole easier.


not only too sick to work but too sick to leave work, so I'd have to have a nap to get up the energy to go home.

Oh yes. And the persistent problem of when one is feeling absolutely vile and can barely think, let alone move, and people will keep coming up and asking if they can help. Grrr. I have to train everyone that if they see me going off by myself to sit down with my eyes shut then I don't need help, I need to be left alone to get the rest my body is crying out for. The crying being quite literal on occasions because I can get very weepy when I am badly crashing.

Also it's funny the random things you can have in common with people, isn't it?
Yeh, it's weird. I must say I was blinking with surprise when I read your post. Although sadly this thing is reasonably common - whenever I tell someone I've got it I am never the only person they know. And of course there is a higher percentage of disabled/chronically ill folk on LJ because we have more time to waste spend online than healthy peeps :)

[alias_sqbr]

Thankyou and yes, it's gotten easier even over the last month or so I've been at my current level of illness.

And of course there is a higher percentage of disabled/chronically ill folk on LJ because we have more time to waste spend online than healthy peeps

We're not wasting time we're forming support networks :D