Everything you wanted to know about sexuality but were too dumb to ask

[sqbr]

ithiliana made a locked post(*) asking her flist what GLBT people wish was better known by their peers at uni, and what straight people wish they'd known at uni. I found this a really interesting question, since by uni most people have gotten past the basic "Gay people exist and aren't evil" stage. EDIT: I haven't included stuff on non-monogamous relationships and other misunderstood aspects of sexuality like S&M etc since that wasn't part of the original post. Feel free to discuss them in the comments anyway :)

So, this is my answer, including stuff I've seen other people get consistently wrong:

1) On the whole GLBT people look and act just like straight people, there's no such thing as reliable "gaydar"(**). Don't freak out when a "normal" person turns out to be GLBT (especially T) or make assumptions about a "gay acting" person.
1a)Straight is not the default, don't just assume any "normal acting" person is interested in people of the opposite sex and not in those of the same sex (or that those distinctions even apply). No, not even if they have/had a partner of the opposite sex.
1b)Don't freak out if people don't assume you're straight. They're just covering all bases, not "accusing" you of being lesbian or gay.

2)Asexuals exist. They are not going to grow out of it. They are not secretly gay. They don't need to "try it and see".

3) Straight people do not get to "reclaim" "gay"/"fag" etc as insults/negative adjectives etc. Not even if the context has nothing to do with sexuality.

4) Intersex and trans* people exist and have feelings. It doesn't suddenly become ok to make fun of them if you use words like "hermaphrodite" and "shemale".

5) Sexuality and identity are complicated and a matter of personal choice. You don't get to say "She had a boyfriend, she's not a lesbian" or "He said that guy is cute, he's not an asexual".
5b) These things also change. Someone can be enthusiastically straight, and then become gay/lesbian, and then identify as a pansexual etc, and not be "lying".

6) GLBT doesn't begin to cover it. (I'm not 100% up on all the varieties of sexuality myself, I must admit)

7) (After reading comments on that post) Sexuality is not actually just about sex. As with straight people, it's all mixed up with love and companionship and all that stuff in a sometimes very complicated way.


So what do you guys think?
EDIT: I'm not going to correct this post since I'd be rewriting it forever and I think it acts an interesting snapshot into the brain of a well meaning but somewhat clueless straight person. But it's definitely flawed, and there's lots of important additions and discussion in the comments.

(*)to keep answers private, she said it was ok to mention it existed
(**)Well, not for straight people, anyway :)

Comments

[alias_sqbr]

I decided not to include poly stuff etc since it wasn't part of the original post and I think if I'm going to post about it I'd want to consider it carefully on it's own rather than tacking it onto this one.

Also the fact that bi women do not exist for the fantasies of straight men. I saw that attitude alot and it still annoys me.

Eww. Not something I've had much personal experience with, though I have noticed the way men react differently to me mentioning having been very occasionally attracted to women than women do (especially men I am or have been involved with)

[black-samvara.livejournal.com]

I answered the following more than I wanted to back in the uni days...

1. No, me and my girl will not sleep with you
2. No, me and my girl won't take $ to have sex in front of you... or your mate.
3. No, you are not hot enough to 'cure' me
4. No, bi does not mean 'loose' or incapable of monogamy

[alias_sqbr]

Oh, wow, that's terrible. *is reminded that as annoying as being a straight girl is, there's lots of stuff my privilege protects me from*

No, bi does not mean 'loose' or incapable of monogamy

The most shocking example of this to me since I'd expect them to know better was a Savage Love article, where the gay male author was saying that all bisexuals will eventually dump any same sex partner for a traditional marriage.

[black-samvara.livejournal.com]

Weirdly it's not that sort of stuff that triggers my rage, largely I guess, because I have trouble identifying with any particular sexuality...

[alias_sqbr]

There's enough rage-triggers in the world that we can't all be set off by all of them :)