A comment about judging people

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So people with chronic fatigue syndrome are a minority in society. People with vaguely similar chronic illnesses and disabilities are less of a minority, I have no idea how much less.

But I still get very annoyed when people assume that anyone who does *blah thing to save energy* must be lazy. Yes, in the old days we didn't have labour saving devices etc. And in the old days, being chronically ill or disabled really sucked. (It still does, but not as much)

Pre-prepared food, remotes, scooters, whatever.

I mean I can understand saying "Surely not EVERYONE who uses this actually needs it, so the overall popular trend is bad even if some uses are valid" but you can't judge any given person without knowing their circumstances.

Even if they're overweight, especially since mobility issues tend, oddly enough, to lead to weight gain. Sometimes people's ill health is either unrelated to, or the cause of their weight issues, and we have just as much right to do unhealthy things like eating junk food as anyone else. Sick and disabled people do not fit into neat little boxes of "lovable perfect victim who never complains" and "entitled whiner who brought it on themselves".

Not aimed at anyone in particular, inspired by hearing about examples of overweight people with similar symptoms to mine (shortness of breath, low blood sugar meaning I need to eat often, slow ungainly gait etc) being judged for "making themselves sick by not losing weight", and thinking dark thoughts about my future since I can't see how I can not gain weight with my current level of immobility. Also this post, which has the added fibre of classism!

Oh, and that woman at the station who said to the man awkwardly carrying his crutch off the train before putting it back on "You obviously don't need that, haha"

Phew! I feel better now.

Comments

[tevriel.livejournal.com]

My own view on the people who could be better and aren't? It's kind of reserved, because everyone has reasons, including some they might not be aware of, and not all the reasons are bad.

I mean, I've always been told that I should eat better/get more exercise, etc, and have sometimes even tried it, but there are factors that play against it:

1) Depression. I've been clinically depressed for a lot longer than I've been diagnosed, and a hell of a lot longer than I've been properly getting treatment. If someone feels terrible generally and can't really place why, I don't discount the possibility of psychological factors. (Although those can be a vicious circle, as well, which can only be broken by unpleasant, difficult intervention.)

2) Things like ADHD.

No, really, I mean it. The thing is, changing habits requires sustaining the deliberate changes until they become truly habitual. If you just don't have the attention span for that kind of sustained willpower/effort, for whatever reason (ADHD is just mine), it may not be possible to achieve. And people tend to like things to stay the way they are, overall.

3) Other Unknown Medical Factors.

In general, mind you, I have limited sympathy with whining about the same thing at length; I try not to do it myself, but I recognise that people with difficulties can't be expected to shut up about it in perpetuity, and if it's Oh So Hard for others to hear about someone's genuine suffering, then they should try experiencing it for a while, and also, shut the hell up.

That said, extended whining by the able-bodied does somewhat annoy me. It's like the Oppression Olympics thing, where if you are complaining about how it's just so hard because you feel vaguely run down but all your tests come back fine, I would like you to meet my friend with nasty CFS, and while you're talking to her, my severe-clinical-depression-having, chronic-pain-suffering self would like to kick you in the shins, because neither of us whines all that much (imo) and we have problems of our own.

That said, if I couldn't string two posts together without whining about My Issues I would consider you justified in hating me. (Note that "mentioning" and "discussing" are not the same thing as "whining about". I'm talking about if my every post contained OMG MY SHOULDER HURTS IT SUUUUUCKS kind of things, not, say, reflections on how things affect my life, which are a part of my personal discourse.)

I vary in my judgementalism. On the one hand, I am generally sympathetic to the disabled; on the other, I can be a big judgey of fat people. (That I am fat does not really affect this much, since I tend to be harder on myself for my weight issues than my close friends, at least, seem to think I should be.)

Right now I'm exhausted all the time, because my lifestyle is draining to me. Would I have more energy if I were thin? Probably. Can I afford to make losing weight a higher priority than my recovery from depression, or keeping on top of all the things I need to handle in my life? Not really. Do I think that "exercising more", given that exercise exacerbates my chronic pain, would be detrimental to my mental health? Probably, and I can't afford that.

So... thingy.

[flyingblogspot.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your input too!

This, this sums up a part of my reaction I was struggling to articulate really well:

if you are complaining about how it's just so hard because you feel vaguely run down but all your tests come back fine, I would like you to meet my friend with nasty CFS, and while you're talking to her, my severe-clinical-depression-having, chronic-pain-suffering self would like to kick you in the shins, because neither of us whines all that much (imo) and we have problems of our own

I think it's a part of why I was asking for reactions too, since when I think that sort of thing, I'm conscious that I'm effectively getting defensive on the behalf of less able friends. And so, instead of speaking and reacting for other people, I was interested in hearing what they had to say themselves on the matter.

I'm gradually coming to the position that my awkwardness with this whole situation arises from a communication gap. I tend to take things literally, so when people express a dislike for the way things are and a desire for change, I take that at face value. However, I suspect that there's something else going on here, and that maybe by sustaining a situation that allows them to complain, people are sometimes trying to communicate a need for affection, care and concern.

Things would be less confusing if human were more like Vulcans! :D