A comment about judging people

[sqbr]

So people with chronic fatigue syndrome are a minority in society. People with vaguely similar chronic illnesses and disabilities are less of a minority, I have no idea how much less.

But I still get very annoyed when people assume that anyone who does *blah thing to save energy* must be lazy. Yes, in the old days we didn't have labour saving devices etc. And in the old days, being chronically ill or disabled really sucked. (It still does, but not as much)

Pre-prepared food, remotes, scooters, whatever.

I mean I can understand saying "Surely not EVERYONE who uses this actually needs it, so the overall popular trend is bad even if some uses are valid" but you can't judge any given person without knowing their circumstances.

Even if they're overweight, especially since mobility issues tend, oddly enough, to lead to weight gain. Sometimes people's ill health is either unrelated to, or the cause of their weight issues, and we have just as much right to do unhealthy things like eating junk food as anyone else. Sick and disabled people do not fit into neat little boxes of "lovable perfect victim who never complains" and "entitled whiner who brought it on themselves".

Not aimed at anyone in particular, inspired by hearing about examples of overweight people with similar symptoms to mine (shortness of breath, low blood sugar meaning I need to eat often, slow ungainly gait etc) being judged for "making themselves sick by not losing weight", and thinking dark thoughts about my future since I can't see how I can not gain weight with my current level of immobility. Also this post, which has the added fibre of classism!

Oh, and that woman at the station who said to the man awkwardly carrying his crutch off the train before putting it back on "You obviously don't need that, haha"

Phew! I feel better now.

Comments

[greteldragon.livejournal.com]

Oh, and that woman at the station who said to the man awkwardly carrying his crutch off the train before putting it back on "You obviously don't need that, haha"

Bitch. Sometimes I need a crutch sometimes I don't, sometimes they make things easier, other times they don't! *angers*

Even though now I don't need a crutch at all, just an actually useful physio. :P

[nephron.livejournal.com]

I'm just totally lazy part of the time (and a complete spendthrift dangerous whore a portion of the rest), why don't I just take responsibility for my actions?

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

Plus the medication can make you puffy with fluid and/or gain weight in general.

[ataxi.livejournal.com]

Nasty post!

[flyingblogspot.livejournal.com]

I'm really curious and want to know more about your opinion on a particular issue, and I'm trying really hard to explain why in a way that's not overly offensive to anyone involved! So here we go...

Firstly, I'm coming at this from an able perspective (my chronic issues are merely brain and gluten related!) and also as someone who has had this conversation with a surprisingly large number of able friends:

Them: "I feel so lethargic all the time, but all of my tests came back fine."
Me: "Okay, I know you eat pretty healthy food, but what activities do you do regularly that raise your heart rate above normal?"
Then: "Umm...nothing. I don't really like doing stuff like that."

(I've also had a similar conversation with many people who've said that they'd like to drop a few kilos but have a ton of excuses as to why they can't possibly tweak their diet to eat a higher proportion of fruit/veg and a lower proportion of carbs. [At which gluten-free me snarks 'WTF it's not that hard'])

These conversations tend to leave me in a place of puzzled frustration; I struggle to feel empathy when people have the ability and information to address their complaints, but choose not to. I don't really know how to continue the conversation when they're saying 'I don't like how things are and I'm not going to change anything to fix it'.

So, I'm really curious, from your perspective and experience with chronic fatigue, how do you personally feel when you see people who are fundamentally able with no chronic health issues make the choice not to feel better? (And I'm not talking about random people on the street and making assumptions about ableness, but people whose situation you know well.)

Are you more empathetic than you were before you experienced chronic fatigue? Less? Do you worry that their choices bring more societal judgment upon less able people, or do you want to defend their right to choose not to be well? Does it bother you that they don't make the small changes needed to increase their well-being when it's so much easier for them to maintain it than it is for you to feel well? Do you feel angry, supportive, indifferent or something else?

OMG so many questions, sorry. :) I just realised that I've never had the chance to question someone about this who would give an honest and articulate answer!

[grahame.livejournal.com]

The trouble is just that people are really good at taking a cause and effect like "laziness makes you fat", then flipping that around to if you are fat you are lazy. I suspect the problem is just that it's true X percent of the time, where X is high enough that people feel confident in the false connection.

Underlying motivation is just that we like feeling better than other people, it's not that surprising. It sucks, but we're not particularly logical or rational beings :-)

[meljane.livejournal.com]

I still remember after I had a car accident I had a bandage on one knee and stitches and was hobbling around with cane .

I was supose to be staying home and resting rather than catching public transport to a friends place to finish an assignment .

I knew that sometimes people would sit on the priority seats even when there were old and disabled people around and I was knocked around in the train and the seats was occupied by a youngsters that didn't need it and wouldn't get up to offer it to me and I didn't push them either .

Even people in other seats would'nt offer me a seat even though they could see I was a cane to walk with .

This was a few years ago and I have found that people are more willing to offer seats to the elderly and still not so much the handicapped .

[babalon-93.livejournal.com]

agreed.

absence of fat is not equal to health, nor is health equal to moral superiority.

[miss-kittylix.livejournal.com]

This is slightly off topic, but reading the comments and your past made me think about how women's bodies in general are often the focus for criticism. She's too fat, thin, boobs too small, too big, legs too short, too long etc. It's exhausting. I've been losing weight lately through exercise and diet and one male friend said something along the lines of "I don't like you losing weight." I truly had a wft moment. Even boyfriends don't really get to say that sort of stuff unless its out of concern in my book. When I asked why, he said something like he liked girls more curvy or some rubbish.

I mean, is it not my decision how i want my body to look? I just don't understand why there is so much furore over women's bodies. It makes me angry and frustrated

[greteldragon.livejournal.com]

Oh, and that woman at the station who said to the man awkwardly carrying his crutch off the train before putting it back on "You obviously don't need that, haha"

Bitch. Sometimes I need a crutch sometimes I don't, sometimes they make things easier, other times they don't! *angers*

Even though now I don't need a crutch at all, just an actually useful physio. :P

[nephron.livejournal.com]

I'm just totally lazy part of the time (and a complete spendthrift dangerous whore a portion of the rest), why don't I just take responsibility for my actions?

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

Plus the medication can make you puffy with fluid and/or gain weight in general.

[ataxi.livejournal.com]

Nasty post!

[flyingblogspot.livejournal.com]

I'm really curious and want to know more about your opinion on a particular issue, and I'm trying really hard to explain why in a way that's not overly offensive to anyone involved! So here we go...

Firstly, I'm coming at this from an able perspective (my chronic issues are merely brain and gluten related!) and also as someone who has had this conversation with a surprisingly large number of able friends:

Them: "I feel so lethargic all the time, but all of my tests came back fine."
Me: "Okay, I know you eat pretty healthy food, but what activities do you do regularly that raise your heart rate above normal?"
Then: "Umm...nothing. I don't really like doing stuff like that."

(I've also had a similar conversation with many people who've said that they'd like to drop a few kilos but have a ton of excuses as to why they can't possibly tweak their diet to eat a higher proportion of fruit/veg and a lower proportion of carbs. [At which gluten-free me snarks 'WTF it's not that hard'])

These conversations tend to leave me in a place of puzzled frustration; I struggle to feel empathy when people have the ability and information to address their complaints, but choose not to. I don't really know how to continue the conversation when they're saying 'I don't like how things are and I'm not going to change anything to fix it'.

So, I'm really curious, from your perspective and experience with chronic fatigue, how do you personally feel when you see people who are fundamentally able with no chronic health issues make the choice not to feel better? (And I'm not talking about random people on the street and making assumptions about ableness, but people whose situation you know well.)

Are you more empathetic than you were before you experienced chronic fatigue? Less? Do you worry that their choices bring more societal judgment upon less able people, or do you want to defend their right to choose not to be well? Does it bother you that they don't make the small changes needed to increase their well-being when it's so much easier for them to maintain it than it is for you to feel well? Do you feel angry, supportive, indifferent or something else?

OMG so many questions, sorry. :) I just realised that I've never had the chance to question someone about this who would give an honest and articulate answer!

[grahame.livejournal.com]

The trouble is just that people are really good at taking a cause and effect like "laziness makes you fat", then flipping that around to if you are fat you are lazy. I suspect the problem is just that it's true X percent of the time, where X is high enough that people feel confident in the false connection.

Underlying motivation is just that we like feeling better than other people, it's not that surprising. It sucks, but we're not particularly logical or rational beings :-)

[meljane.livejournal.com]

I still remember after I had a car accident I had a bandage on one knee and stitches and was hobbling around with cane .

I was supose to be staying home and resting rather than catching public transport to a friends place to finish an assignment .

I knew that sometimes people would sit on the priority seats even when there were old and disabled people around and I was knocked around in the train and the seats was occupied by a youngsters that didn't need it and wouldn't get up to offer it to me and I didn't push them either .

Even people in other seats would'nt offer me a seat even though they could see I was a cane to walk with .

This was a few years ago and I have found that people are more willing to offer seats to the elderly and still not so much the handicapped .

[babalon-93.livejournal.com]

agreed.

absence of fat is not equal to health, nor is health equal to moral superiority.

[miss-kittylix.livejournal.com]

This is slightly off topic, but reading the comments and your past made me think about how women's bodies in general are often the focus for criticism. She's too fat, thin, boobs too small, too big, legs too short, too long etc. It's exhausting. I've been losing weight lately through exercise and diet and one male friend said something along the lines of "I don't like you losing weight." I truly had a wft moment. Even boyfriends don't really get to say that sort of stuff unless its out of concern in my book. When I asked why, he said something like he liked girls more curvy or some rubbish.

I mean, is it not my decision how i want my body to look? I just don't understand why there is so much furore over women's bodies. It makes me angry and frustrated