How a Marriage Survives When One Partner Gets Sick

[sqbr]

I've been thinking about the issues that I and Cam have gone through since I got really sick, but How a Marriage Survives When One Partner Gets Sick covers them pretty well so read that instead. It's specifically about people over 40 but I found most of it applicable.

It's always..weird to discover that your particular unpleasant experience is identical to a whole bunch of other people's. I had the same thing when I encountered other Phd students talking about the particular brand of misery and self hatred postgraduate research inspires.

You know how Cam could be more supportive of me right now, though? Not taking a nap in the next room when I have a bunch of vids I want to watch. Hmmph! But we'll work through it somehow.

Comments

[gretel]

I've only read half of that so far (way too fucking tired), but yeah, that article is pretty applicable, not just for marriages but relationships as well. Given I'm definitely in the woke up one morning and was disabled category, it's quite interesting reading.

I find it interesting when talking to friends from high school that got married young, they rarely seem to have the concept that being married is about loving someone when you're well and life is easy, its knowing you can get through life when the shit hits the fan and still be friends, and making life better for each other going through that shit, not worse.

Then, I guess I'm pretty oldfashioned about marriage and all the rest.

Hm. This got rambley. I'm sure I had a point. I'll maybe make another ramble when I've finished reading it and can make sense.

[sqbr]

I think a low-commitment will-break-at-slightest-strain marriage (or other long term committed relationship) is ok if you go in with your eyes open and decide that's what you want, I just don't think people think about all the bad stuff that can happen in life when they make that sort of commitment. Though after being together for ten years we'd already dealt with enough conflicts and tension that we had a system in place for working through stuff, which has worked reasonably well.

[gretel]

Fair enough.

I guess me and my (rather) conservative values can't understand why you'd want a formal state recognition of a low commitment relationship. This ties into an entirely different criticism of my partner however. :P

While I'm not sure it necessarily HAS to take 10 years to deal with enough conflicts and tension, to work out a system of coping, you do need to work out a system of coping that helps both of you.

[sami]

That... that bastard.

Cam's a pretty good bloke, though. I've been quietly hoping you two would be okay through this without wanting to pry.

[sqbr]

Thanks. I actually have this rant I've been pondering about how difficult it is to discuss relationship/family etc problems around stuff like disability, since if people haven't gone through something like this they could easily read him as a heartless bastard for not always been immediately understanding, or me as being overly demanding for ever criticising him despite all he does for me etc. But despite a few hurdles we are doing ok at the moment.

And yeah, he is mostly pretty good :)