Trying to avoid being That Fanfic Writer (or Artist)

[sqbr]

The problem:

I make fanworks (fic, art, and comics) which (since they're about people) touch on issues like race, class, gender, sexuality, disability etc. There is always the danger with these works that I've inadvertently made something Very Hurtful that I won't notice until someone points it out to me. If I just chuck stuff online based on my own judgement it could do a whole lot of harm before someone points out the Fail, and then I have to figure out how to fix it. (If your response to this is that I shouldn't worry about it, this post is not aimed at you but, for example, Racefail: same shit, different day is. I do not feel like arguing with you)

One common solution offered for this problem is being beta-ed, but this doesn't work for me. (Research and mindfulness etc do a most of the time, and thus I do them, but they're not entirely reliable by themselves)

Possible solutions:

Have a work completely finished before asking for feedback, at which point my goal is just to know if it's too problematic to post as is. If it is I MIGHT edit it, or I might simply not post it and take any criticism as advice for future works, depending on if my brain can get into an editing a completed work headspace. And if the issues aren't TOO bad I'm always up to adding a note saying "nb people have pointed out that…".

I tried this with my racebending challenge comic and got one response, but it was at least a positive one :) I'm thinking of doing a poll next time, people are better at answering polls.

I can't wait for feedback with every work, I can't relax and stop worrying about a piece until it's posted and I can classify it as Finished in my mind, so I would be constantly stressed. The fact that I can't make drafts on AO3 or DeviantArt really doesn't help.

So I have to decide which works I should double check, which means relying on my judgement, and the whole reason for the exercise is that my judgement is unreliable. Still, it's something. Being open to criticism can make up for some errors of judgement, and I like to think I would be (so far I don't recall anyone complaining about problematicness in any of my works, all the issues like that that have come up it was me who noticed. And I think I've been pretty open to criticism about plot and characterisation etc)

Since potentially problematic works could end up being scrapped entirely rather than fixed I'm likely to avoid difficult subjects for works where it matters to anyone but me that it gets completed: exchanges, big bangs etc. But given that these things often Freak Me Out nearly as much as being beta-ed I don't do them much anyway.

When I first hit this issue the idea of not posting something if it turned out to be problematic really bothered me. The fact that my main creative work at the time was an ongoing webcomic didn't help: deep down I knew certain aspects were problematic, but I saw no way to fix them and didn't want to stop writing (and oh look: said comic died thanks to me being unable to decide how to fix various plot holes)

But at this point my attitude is that I would always rather know than not if something I've made is problematic, and while I'm always going to be be sad if I end up not posting something I've put a lot of work into that sadness has to be weighed up against the negative effect the work might have on others. And I still got to make it, and get the idea out of my head. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that 99% of the time at worst I'm going to have to add a note apologising for issues in the piece, certainly that's the worst I've had to do so far.

So: Do people have other suggestions for getting feedback on whether or not a work is problematic if asking for/getting criticism freaks you out in some way? Do other people have similar problems? How do you get past them?

I am as always slow to reply to comments! But open to critique :)

This is something I've been thinking about for ages, but the whole J2 thing definitely prodded me some more, as did dark_agenda. That said: I'm not just talking about race here. It's come up for me with sexuality, gender expression, disability and other stuff just in the last couple of months.

Comments

[ex_peasant441]

Most artistic people I know have an aspect of their art that they refuse to participate in. So for example I know a conductor who absolutely freaks out about taking his bow at the end of a piece. I know an artist who makes the most almighty fuss about framing her finished pieces. I myself refuse to accept feedback. These quirks can often seem very weird but I suspect that they perform some purpose, perhaps in providing a safe outlet for tensions about our artistic output that would otherwise hinder the production of the work itself. It is noticeable that many of them occur at the very end of the artistic process. It sounds to me as if your refusal to accept a beta falls into such a category.

If the quirk is harmless (like the conductor with his bows) then it might as well be let alone. If it actually prevents the final production (like the artist who can't sell anything until she has got it framed) then it obviously needs to be dealt with. So I would suggest you view your own quirk with a coldly calculating eye. Work out just what purpose it is serving for you - what tensions it releases and what problems it also creates, and see if you can find a way to either adapt it or ignore it. Simply recognising it for what it is might well help you deal with it. Perhaps you can adapt your hatred of betaing into just one limited aspect (say, flat out refusing to change spelling while accepting suggestions about plot structure) thus minimising the harm.

I'll also add the comment that CFS screws with many things and self confidence is one of them. You are currently going through the grimmest phase for that, with your energy at a low ebb and the accumulation of a long period of failing to achieve everything you wish to achieve, but it will get better. If you follow the normal course of the disease, and there is no earthly reason why you shouldn't, then in a year or two you will be able to look back and see that you have started to improve. The change isn't visible week by week or even month by month but it is year by year. So don't feel you are committed to any hard and fast 'rules' for how you will feel about this stuff for ever.

[sqbr]

Oh this was nearly just as much of an issue before I got cfs. It just doesn't help.

I don't think it's that kind of quirk either. Looking at the things I am bad at, I have general issues with certain kinds of reading comprehension and concentration that happen to coincide with proof reading (there's plenty of non-artistic situations where they apply too). It's just that they get magnified when I'm feeling anxious since that makes it harder for me to concentrate. That said I am trying to figure out the fractal edges of my flaws in order to work around them.