sqbr: me pointing to a hat with neon sign saying Mod on it. (mod hat)
Sunday, September 22nd, 2019 08:23 pm
This is my Serious Business journal. Are you perhaps looking for my fannish/personal journal [personal profile] alias_sqbr?

My old comment policy, I don't care about this as intensely as I used to but it gives some idea of how I'd like people to interact here.

Absolutely anyone is welcome to read/subscribe, and noone is under any obligation to give me access.

This is the stuff I assume you know about me.
sqbr: pretty purple pi (Default)
Friday, January 25th, 2019 04:34 pm
Inspired by this post about aging:
I think seeing people in their 20´s and 30´s as “old” is pretty unhealthy... Let people enjoy being young adults, stop making teenagers anxious that their life ends the minute they hit twenty, or adults feel like they can’t have fun anymore.

Yeah, like...there are changes that tend to happen as you get older, and power dynamics to be aware of. But there isn’t this clear line between Being Young and Being Old, where you become a Grownup with the same tastes and needs (or lack thereof) as All Other Grownups.

The world is controlled by grownups...but by conventionally minded, privileged grownups.

The progression we're taught to expect is that young people get along with each other, but not with adults. And then they grow up into conventional adults and enjoy a world designed for and controlled by people like them.

But to the extent that this narrative applies at all, it's only to conventional, privileged people who fit comfortably into mainstream society.

An unconventional young person finds the world frustrating on two levels: the grownups in charge don’t understand or accept them, but neither do most people their own age. Such a young person finds pressure to be “normal” doubly crushing: not only do they find conventional grownup roles impossible, they also can’t fit into “proper” roles for people their age. The only way to find happiness is to accept themselves and find other like-minded misfits.

And such a young person doesn’t suddenly become a conventional adult who is happy to fit entirely into the mainstream. It often gets easier once they get older, partly because the world is designed for grownups (if not ones like us) but partly because we generally have more ability to control our own lives and avoid, say, toxic parents or stifling social environments. Forcing ourselves to be Normal is just as impossible and soul-destroying for misfit adults as it is for misfit teens.

Saying that unconventional grownups are pathetic and predatory, or even just boring, is damaging to us and to the young people who will grow into us. They need to see that they have a future, that they can become adults and still hold onto who they are, and what they need. Yeah, being unconventional or even disprivileged doesn’t make the power dynamics between older and younger people go away, and that’s something we need to be careful of, but being older doesn’t make all the other distinctions go away either.

Signed, a 39 year old queer, disabled, nerdy weirdo who hasn’t stopped being all those other things just because I’m pushing 40.
sqbr: pretty purple pi (Default)
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2019 07:28 pm

[community profile] thisweekmeta posted: 000. welcome & faq

This Week in Meta is a pan-fandom meta newsletter. It collects links from: Dreamwidth, LiveJournal, Tumblr, Twitter, Youtube, blogs, and anywhere else people may be writing and talking about meta. We do not link to locked or private posts, and will have warnings for NSFW links. We don't ask permission to link to publicly available posts, but we will give you a head's up that it's going into an issue.

I haven't actually read any of the linked posts yet, so can't say if I like their editorial style or not yet, but hooray for meta.

(I posted this using this nice bookmarklet for signalboosting dreamwidth posts)
sqbr: (up and down)
Thursday, November 1st, 2018 01:19 pm
Inspired by a pervocracy post:

“I’m not attracted to X, so I won’t date them”: okay then, you go ahead and do that

“I’m not attracted to X, and I demand that people who are X hear and validate this statement and give me their official permission to not be attracted to them”: please no

“I’m not attracted to X, and I demand that the entire world hear and validate this statement and declare X objectively unattractive”: you can stop now

...[I think there’s] a lot of people who never internalized that they can make choices about their sexuality.

I see this a lot when I get asks saying “men should do [very specific behavior] in relationships with women,” where it’s obvious the asker just wants her boyfriend to do that behavior but has no tools for expressing that. The universal, objective rules of society may be up for debate, but the fact that such rules exist is not.

My thoughts, including sexual trauma discussion.
Read more... )
sqbr: Nepeta from Homestuck looking grumpy in front of the f/f parts of her shipping wall (grumpy)
Monday, October 29th, 2018 01:34 pm
I usually like Smart Bitches Trashy Books but this annoyed me.

Breaking Up with Damaging Conventions in Romance: A Conversation with Kate Cuthbert

It annoyed me to start with by being more gendered than it needed to be. Not all romances are about or by women, and even the ones that are aren't just read by women. You can talk about it being a genre mainly about/for/by women (which it is, and that's important) without overgeneralising.

But then she did that thing a lot of anti-problematic-fiction people do, where they start out saying "write about whatever you want, but think about the context of what you're writing and do it mindfully" but by the end are unambiguously saying "don't write this". She talks a good game about being ok with women's sexuality and fantasy but she clearly doesn't get it.

*** Content note: discussion of rape fantasy ***
Read more... )
sqbr: (up and down)
Saturday, October 13th, 2018 05:08 pm
Inspired by this essay about the misremembering of Captain Kirk, I had some extra thoughts on tumblr and then I had some EXTRA extra thoughts and decided it was probably time for a proper post.
Read more... )
sqbr: Nepeta from Homestuck looking grumpy in front of the f/f parts of her shipping wall (grumpy)
Friday, October 12th, 2018 05:07 pm
There are a bunch of ways the word "wholesome" is used but I have yet to encounter one that doesn't infuriate me.
Read more... )
sqbr: (up and down)
Sunday, October 7th, 2018 01:21 pm
Inspired by a broader conversation I had yesterday with [personal profile] moonvoice and the blog of the original translator of Hakuoki into English who turned out to be a somewhat bro-ish straight dude who made the game "more accessible" by making the protagonist Chizuru less passive and submissive.
Read more... )
sqbr: I lay on the couch, suffering an out of spoons error (spoons)
Monday, July 2nd, 2018 04:27 pm
Haha, oops, accidentally posted part like...seven of my ongoing liveblog of the dating sim Hakuoki here. If you're not following [personal profile] alias_sqbr but are like "hey I was reading that!" here's background information and links.

*goes off to repost it to my fandom blog*
sqbr: A giant eyeball with tentacles (tii)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2018 12:02 pm
I've seen a few posts along these lines for being a lesbian/binary trans etc (see for example this post) and found it really interesting to compare and contrast. So here's my own experiences, both for understanding myself and for anyone struggling with similar thoughts who might find it useful.

Note: just because I had these thoughts and later realised I was bi etc doesn't mean anyone having similar thoughts necessarily has the same orientation/gender as me. In the other direction, if you're bi/ace/genderfluid and haven't had these thoughts that doesn't make either of us wrong. Human experience is varied and complex.

Read more... )
sqbr: She's getting existential again. It's ok I have a super soaker. (existentialism)
Wednesday, February 7th, 2018 12:52 pm
Inspired by this post:
the whole “i used to be a teen who hated authority only to grow up to become the authority that hates teens” is a bad bad thing that practically every other generation has fallen into and we all need to make an extremely conscious effort not to repeat the fucking pattern.

Studies have shown that the shift starts to happen around age 30. If you’re close to that, make a conscious effort to be open to and accepting of younger people. I’m 31 and paying close attention to how I react to young people and new trends and shit and trying to keep myself from developing those thought patterns.

This is SUCH a thing. It was kind of horrifying watching my friends fall prey to it.

My advice as a 38 year old who has been moderately successful in not doing this: Don’t start around 30. Start as early as possible. I’ve been working on the broader problem of people treating those younger then themselves as Not People since I was six, with moderate success.

Below the cut is the approach I've taken, because I haven't seen many other people really talk about specifics. My general approach for dealing with other sorts of cultural/POV etc differences is pretty similar. It may not work for everyone, and probably doesn't work as well for me as I think it does.
Read more... )
sqbr: A giant eyeball with tentacles (tii)
Saturday, January 27th, 2018 12:37 pm
I've seen an uptick lately in people using "gay" as a catchall for lgb or even lgbt. See for example this post (the gif is the Dean from Community dressed as the devil with a chainsaw saying "GAY MARRIAGE").

It irritates me, but every catchall term irritates someone, so I'm not sure if what I have is a genuine issue with the term or just a matter of personal taste. So I'm going to poke at it!
Read more... )
sqbr: pretty purple pi (Default)
Tuesday, December 12th, 2017 11:00 am
What started out as a short reply to this very good post about tumblr focussing too narrowly on identity.

(Also, I know some people find it annoying when I use "oppression" in this kind of context but I don't know of a better term that works neatly)

Read more... )
sqbr: A giant eyeball with tentacles (tii)
Saturday, December 9th, 2017 12:21 pm
I have no idea how universal this is. And specifically, I know some people find "being marginalised is like being a monster" metaphors super alienating, and may wish to not read further.
Read more... )
sqbr: She's getting existential again. It's ok I have a super soaker. (existentialism)
Thursday, October 26th, 2017 09:20 am
Inspired by this twitter thread via tumblr:
I think millennials are taking a longer time coming to terms w/ the fact that we’re adults b/c a lot of us can’t afford to live like adults.

Read more... )
sqbr: pretty purple pi (Default)
Tuesday, August 15th, 2017 02:58 pm
(this started out as a reply to this tumblr post)

When I first started posting about social justice online, on my fannish livejournal, I posted about racism a LOT, with lots of self righteous LET ME EXPLAIN A THING. And then two of my non-white(*) friends said it was ruining my blog for them: one because she felt like I was speaking over her experiences, which didn’t match the monolithic How POC Feel Narrative I was ‘explaining’, the other because it was causing my clueless white friends to say racist crap in the comments. I had to fight back a defensive “But DON’T YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT RACISM??” reaction.

Ten years later and I’m still trying to figure out how to discuss racism in ways that actually help fight racism, and make the spaces I control supportive of POC/non-white people, rather than simply making the loudest possible noise about how it’s REALLY BAD YOU GUYS.
Read more... )
sqbr: pretty purple pi (I like pi!)
Monday, August 14th, 2017 01:34 am
I feel weird making a post about this as a super pale white person, but I keep seeing other artists draw dark characters really badly in the sort of flat colouring used in animation and comics etc, and don't know of any better guides. So here's what I've figured out. If people know of better techniques or guides, or if I've inadvertently said something wrong or offensive, please let me know.
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sqbr: She's getting existential again. It's ok I have a super soaker. (existentialism)
Thursday, August 3rd, 2017 03:24 pm
I keep seeing people modelling ageism towards the young with a simplistic privileged/marginalised dichotomy, and while there is a huge power differential between adults and young people(*), I think this kind of model is really unhelpful.

I mean, simplistic privileged/marginalised dichotomies are a flawed way to describe anything. But there's cases where it at least kind of works, and age isn't one of them.
Read more... )
sqbr: exploding train. This is fremantle station, this train terminates here. (train)
Saturday, July 29th, 2017 05:47 pm
A while ago I bought the hidden object game Alchemy Legends: Prague Legends on sale on Steam. The description is:
Follow orphan Eva on a trip to mystical Prague in Alchemy Mysteries: Prague Legends. After a relative's mysterious death, Eva inherits an ancient house in Prague. Knowing nothing about her past, she goes looking for answers. There she uncovers secrets about the house, her family and an insidious plan of the black alchemist. A wonderful and dangerous adventure is about to begin. Are you ready?

Sounds pretty run of the mill, right? And then today I got around to playing it.
Read more... )