Thorns

Inspired by this post about aging:

I think seeing people in their 20´s and 30´s as “old” is pretty unhealthy... Let people enjoy being young adults, stop making teenagers anxious that their life ends the minute they hit twenty, or adults feel like they can’t have fun anymore.

Yeah, like...there are changes that tend to happen as you get older, and power dynamics to be aware of. But there isn’t this clear line between Being Young and Being Old, where you become a Grownup with the same tastes and needs (or lack thereof) as All Other Grownups.

The world is controlled by grownups...but by conventionally minded, privileged grownups.

The progression we're taught to expect is that young people get along with each other, but not with adults. And then they grow up into conventional adults and enjoy a world designed for and controlled by people like them.

But to the extent that this narrative applies at all, it's only to conventional, privileged people who fit comfortably into mainstream society.

An unconventional young person finds the world frustrating on two levels: the grownups in charge don’t understand or accept them, but neither do most people their own age. Such a young person finds pressure to be “normal” doubly crushing: not only do they find conventional grownup roles impossible, they also can’t fit into “proper” roles for people their age. The only way to find happiness is to accept themselves and find other like-minded misfits.

And such a young person doesn’t suddenly become a conventional adult who is happy to fit entirely into the mainstream. It often gets easier once they get older, partly because the world is designed for grownups (if not ones like us) but partly because we generally have more ability to control our own lives and avoid, say, toxic parents or stifling social environments. Forcing ourselves to be Normal is just as impossible and soul-destroying for misfit adults as it is for misfit teens.

Saying that unconventional grownups are pathetic and predatory, or even just boring, is damaging to us and to the young people who will grow into us. They need to see that they have a future, that they can become adults and still hold onto who they are, and what they need. Yeah, being unconventional or even disprivileged doesn’t make the power dynamics between older and younger people go away, and that’s something we need to be careful of, but being older doesn’t make all the other distinctions go away either.

Signed, a 39 year old queer, disabled, nerdy weirdo who hasn’t stopped being all those other things just because I’m pushing 40.

Inspired by a pervocracy post:

“I’m not attracted to X, so I won’t date them”: okay then, you go ahead and do that

“I’m not attracted to X, and I demand that people who are X hear and validate this statement and give me their official permission to not be attracted to them”: please no

“I’m not attracted to X, and I demand that the entire world hear and validate this statement and declare X objectively unattractive”: you can stop now

...[I think there’s] a lot of people who never internalized that they can make choices about their sexuality.

I see this a lot when I get asks saying “men should do [very specific behavior] in relationships with women,” where it’s obvious the asker just wants her boyfriend to do that behavior but has no tools for expressing that. The universal, objective rules of society may be up for debate, but the fact that such rules exist is not.

My thoughts, including sexual trauma discussion.
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Inspired by this essay about the misremembering of Captain Kirk, I had some extra thoughts on tumblr and then I had some EXTRA extra thoughts and decided it was probably time for a proper post.
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Inspired by a broader conversation I had yesterday with moonvoice and the blog of the original translator of Hakuoki into English who turned out to be a somewhat bro-ish straight dude who made the game "more accessible" by making the protagonist Chizuru less passive and submissive.
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I've seen a few posts along these lines for being a lesbian/binary trans etc (see for example this post) and found it really interesting to compare and contrast. So here's my own experiences, both for understanding myself and for anyone struggling with similar thoughts who might find it useful.

Note: just because I had these thoughts and later realised I was bi etc doesn't mean anyone having similar thoughts necessarily has the same orientation/gender as me. In the other direction, if you're bi/ace/genderfluid and haven't had these thoughts that doesn't make either of us wrong. Human experience is varied and complex.

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I've seen an uptick lately in people using "gay" as a catchall for lgb or even lgbt. See for example this post (the gif is the Dean from Community dressed as the devil with a chainsaw saying "GAY MARRIAGE").

It irritates me, but every catchall term irritates someone, so I'm not sure if what I have is a genuine issue with the term or just a matter of personal taste. So I'm going to poke at it!
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What started out as a short reply to this very good post about tumblr focussing too narrowly on identity.

(Also, I know some people find it annoying when I use "oppression" in this kind of context but I don't know of a better term that works neatly)

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Inspired by this twitter thread via tumblr:

I think millennials are taking a longer time coming to terms w/ the fact that we’re adults b/c a lot of us can’t afford to live like adults.

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I feel weird making a post about this as a super pale white person, but I keep seeing other artists draw dark characters really badly in the sort of flat colouring used in animation and comics etc, and don't know of any better guides. So here's what I've figured out. If people know of better techniques or guides, or if I've inadvertently said something wrong or offensive, please let me know.
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A while ago I bought the hidden object game Alchemy Legends: Prague Legends on sale on Steam. The description is:

Follow orphan Eva on a trip to mystical Prague in Alchemy Mysteries: Prague Legends. After a relative's mysterious death, Eva inherits an ancient house in Prague. Knowing nothing about her past, she goes looking for answers. There she uncovers secrets about the house, her family and an insidious plan of the black alchemist. A wonderful and dangerous adventure is about to begin. Are you ready?

Sounds pretty run of the mill, right? And then today I got around to playing it.
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